


Bound To You

by pennyinthepool



Category: To All the Boys I've Loved Before (Movies), To All the Boys I've Loved Before Series - Jenny Han
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-09-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:33:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 26,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26135047
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pennyinthepool/pseuds/pennyinthepool
Summary: Love is a meeting of two souls, fully accepting the dark and the light within each other, bound by the courage to grow through struggle into bliss. ~ Author UnknownAfter not seeing each other for years, will Lara Jean & Peter find their way to each other?
Relationships: Peter Kavinsky & Lara Jean Song-Covey
Comments: 48
Kudos: 126





	1. Stand Up Guy

She checked her phone again. 6:58. She sighed and put it back into her purse. Lara Jean scanned the bar just to see if she had missed him. They hadn’t seen each other in years. What if he looked so different she didn’t notice him? What if he didn’t notice her? She immediately shook her head. She looked exactly the same as she did in high school. Hopefully a better sense of fashion, but exactly the same.

Lara Jean couldn’t stop her fidgeting. She was nervous, more nervous than she had thought she would be. When she received his text message, she didn’t believe it was him for a solid 7 minutes. She had deleted his number out of self-care when they broke up after the distance had just been too much for either of them to handle. Once she finally came to the realization it was from him and not a cruel prank from Kitty, she read the message over and over again, dissecting every word and comma.

_Hey Covey, It’s Peter. Hope this is still your number. I heard you moved to Atlanta after college. I am going to be there for a business trip. I’d love to meet up if you’re free. -PK_

Peter Kavinsky, her high school sweetheart, first love, wanted to see her. Her mind went into a tailspin. He was going to be in her city. He was in business. He wants to meet up. What did that mean? Does meet up mean a hook up? A date? She felt like she was about to pass out from the text. She plopped down on her bed and stared into the blankness of her popcorn ceiling. In a moment of bravery, without thinking, she texted him back. 

_Hey Peter Kavinsky! This is still my number. It’d be great to see you. How does Tuesday @ Howell’s work? It’s in Midtown. You’d like it. Meet at 7? – LJ_

* * *

This was the first time she had heard from him since she ran into him at Gabe’s house party the Christmas before they graduated from college. They only had a moment to say hi to each other before Peter got dragged off to play the next round of some drinking game. Lara Jean was never much for parties. Chris had convinced her to go so she could hook up with Trevor one last time before she was moving to Shanghai to teach English at a fancy private school. 

She strolled aimlessly around the party, quickly realizing that the party goers were more Peter’s friends than hers. She stopped to take a cute selfie in the full-length mirror in the foyer. She uploaded it to her Instagram story with a cute filter and continued to mozie around the party. Some people would smile and say hi, but she didn’t keep in touch with most people from high school. She decided to make herself another drink. Chris had made her a tequila soda with a splash of orange juice before disappearing off into the distance, most likely to find Trevor. She wanted another.

As she approached the makeshift bar, she heard a familiar voice behind her. “Hey Covey.” He said only loud enough for her to hear.

She turned around with a jug of orange juice in her hand. “Hi.” She smiled back at him. His shy smile was always her favorite. She always found it funny that she, Lara Jena Song Covey, could make anyone nervous, let alone him. “How have you been? How is your mom? How’s Owen?” She tried to sound peppier than she actually was at that moment. She was dreading having to actually talk with him. Their break up during the summer after their freshman year still lingered. It was messy. They tried to blame the fighting on the distance. But they had grown apart. They used to grow next to each other in the same pot, but it soon felt like they weren’t even in the same garden.

“Things are good. I can’t believe we’re about to be done with college. Uh, being here makes me think I’m like 17 and can do anything.” He laughed a bit, obviously a little nervous. “Um, I have like three job interviews when I get back to school, so that’s good but also scary.” He held his Solo cup to Lara Jean as a sign to fill her up on the orange juice she was now pouring into her own glass. “Mom is good, always good. She sold the store a few months back. She’s making these crystal necklaces and selling them on Etsy now. I don’t know too much about it, but I do know that my bedroom has now turned into her crafting studio.” He stopped for a second to take a sip of his drink. “Owen, Owen is good. I kinda don’t believe he is about to be old enough to drive. I just see him as a 11-year-old forever in my brain. Did you know he’s like super smart? He has like perfect grades. Some really fancy prestigious private college has already offered him a full ride to join their robotics team. Where he gets that I will never understand.” Lara Jean smiled at him listening to him ramble. She remembered the feeling that she could do that forever. His voice still felt warm to her. The kind of voice you wanted to wrap you up at night. It was the weighted blanket of voices.

“I heard Margot and Ravi got- “he was cut off when a pretty brunette put her hand on his shoulder. The girl, who Lara Jean had only ever seen on Instagram before, smiled at her. It was a smile where you could see almost every one of her glistening pearly whites.

“There you are.” She kissed his cheek. “Hi, I’m June.” She put out her hand for Lara Jean to shake. Lara Jean stole a glance at Peter before shaking her hand and smiling. “Lara Jean. I love your top by the blue really bring out your eyes.”

“Oh wow. Thank you. ASOS. I love your dress, very Baby from Dirty Dancing. You know like at the end with the lift.” She smiled and looked back and forth between them making sure they understood the reference. It took a second for it to dawn on her. “Oh my gosh, You’re that famous Lara Jean! Peter & Trevor have told me so much about you. Only the nicest things. I felt like I had so much to live up to. She was the one you went to the HAIM concert with, right babe? I was so mad he had seen them before I did.” 

**_Babe_** _._ It hit LJ like a train. Peter and her had been broken up for over 2 years. It wasn’t a shocker he would be dating someone new. It was just shocking having her right in front of her. Also, it kind of sucked she was so nice. For some reason, Lara Jean always thought it would have been easier if the new girlfriend was the worst.

“Yeah. We went to the concert in DC the summer before college started.” She smiled, while she felt like hiding away under a rock on the inside. “It was really fun. I’m guessing you like them too.”

“Love. I love the bass face & sisterhood of it all. They are amazing songwriters. Beyond inspiring. I want to be a music journalist and they have been so influential about what I listen to now.” She smiled again. “Wow. I’m so glad you’re nice.” She happily sighed. “I was really nervous about meeting you. Is that weird to say? I know you were such a big part of Peter’s life & I just wanted you to not hate me.” LJ watched as she interwove her hand and Peter’s.

“No. Not at all.” LJ lied. “I’m glad we got to meet too. I haven’t seen Peter in years. It was nice catching up.” She took a huge gulp of her drink. “It was so lovely to meet you June. I hate to run off but I see my best friend stumbling down the stairs and I think I need to bring her outside for a little air.” She smiled at both of them and waved. It was genuine. Although she felt a bit of her heart break again, she was happy Peter seemed happy. She just didn’t want to stare at it all night.

She walked over to Chris and pulled her into a side hug. “Let’s go get you some air, Miss Drunky Pants.” She said helping her make her way to the back porch.

“Were you just talking to one, Peter Grant Kavinsky?” she slightly slurred her words loudly.

“I was.” She said helping her down onto a poof laid out on the grass near a small fire pit. The chilly air hit them and brought a chill down her spine. “And his new girlfriend.”

“Screw that. COVINSKY WILL NEVER DIE!” Chris shouted out into the massive field that backed up to Gabe’s house.

“Will you quiet down? God. She was actually quite nice. Really pretty” she trailed off starting to get caught up in her emotions about him moving on. She leaned in & cuddled against her best friend. “Distract me and tell me everything that happened with Trevor.”

* * *

She checked her phone again. 7:05. She bit her lip. Was this boy going to stand her up? Was this thing she had been building up in her head for the last week not really a thing? She pointed her toes in her blush pink platform shoes and opened up Instagram. She leaned up against the wall. She was lost scrolling.

7:15. How long was too long to wait for him? She was getting too anxious so she went over to bar and sat down.

“One elderflower martini, please.” She politely asked the bartender while handing her the AMEX card. She sips on her drink and decided to text him.

_Hey Peter. I’m here. Are you on your way? – LJ_

She turned her phone over to not keep looking at it. She sipped on her drink and tried to make sense of the basketball game that was playing on the TV. She had gone to a bunch of basketball games when she was going to UNC. It was all anyone did in the spring. She still didn’t understand everything, but she knew far more about sports now than she did in high school. She took the last sip of her drink and turned her phone over. Still nothing. She texted again.

_Hello? Peter? Anyone there?_

_If you’re lost I can give you directions. Let me know. - LJ_

The bartender put another drink down in front of her. Lara Jean looked up at the her. “You look like you needed it.” The bartender said sweetly with a thick southern accent.

“Thank you. I think I am being stood up.” She sighed and took another sip. “He was supposed to be here….” She looked at her phone, “35 minutes ago.” She looked at the bartender dressed in fancy black apron over a black and white checkered shirt and jeans with tears welling from her eyes. “I am not supposed to be this upset about it. I don’t even actually think this was a date.”

“Oh honey. You need something stronger than that. Here.” She put down two shot glasses and filled them with tequila. “To All the Boys We Loved Before.” She cheers-ed with LJ before they downed the shots.

“Gross.” LJ stuck out her tongue. “Put it on my tab. Thank you…” she looked for her bartender’s nametag.

“Ruby.” She stuck out her hand and LJ shook it. “So, what is the deal with this dude? First dates can really suck.”

“Not our first date actually. I don’t even know if it’s a date. He was my high school slash college boyfriend. My first love. All of that stuff. He messaged me saying he was in town for business and wanted to meet up and now he’s MIA and I am here drinking with you.” She took another gulp of her drink. Before picking up her phone and checking it again.

_I am drinking at the bar. Where are you Kavinsky?_

“The last time I even saw him he was with another girl. She was really nice and pretty. She liked music & wore cool girl clothes. She had really pretty eyes, like Bahamas beaches blue eyes. No wonder he liked her.” She finished the martini. “I was so boring back then. We broke up during college cause we couldn’t do the distance. Not even for a good reason. Just because we couldn’t do it. It was so civil. I thought we were being so mature.” LJ began to shed a tear. “Now I just feel dumb for building this whole thing up in my head as maybe a start to something new. But now I guess I’m just drinking with you.” Ruby poured them another shot. They sank them both.

Ruby placed her hand on top of Lara Jean’s. “I don’t know what this man is, but you are stunning. Any dude would be blessed and highly favored to be out with you right now. Your dress? Stunning. I have never seen someone with more glorious shiny hair. You look like you have it going on. Do not cry over this dude who probably peaked in high school.”

LJ wiped the tears welling up in her eyes. “Thank you Ruby.” She was pretty tipsy at this point but felt a swell of energy coming back. She sat up straight and looked at her phone again. Nothing. She decided to give him one last shot.

_Been here for almost an hour. I’m leaving if you’re not here in 10. – Lara Jean_

Her full name would drive the point home. She ordered another elderflower martini. She would finish this and if he wasn’t groveling at her feet, she was out. For good.

She took her time with the drink. Nursing it for everything she had before she felt depressed sitting there alone. Ruby looked over at her, now making drinks for a group of 40 something year old ladies who had declared to the entire establishment that it was “Mom’s Night”. 

“Hitting the road?” Ruby asked hoping she would change her mind and start flirting with any of the eligible dudes also posted up at the bar.

Lara Jean counted backwards from 10, it was a trick her therapist taught her when she felt like she was about to have a breakdown. “No use of waiting on a dream that won’t happen.” She ordered her Uber & threw all the cash she had on the bar.

The drive back to her apartment was 5 minutes. She could have easily walked if she wasn’t so tipsy. She was less of a lightweight than she was in high school, but shots got her every time.

She threw her purse down on the entry table and belly flopped onto the couch. She heard a bing from her pocket and pulled out her phone.

It was a notification that her birth control prescription was ready at the pharmacy.

_Thanks for standing me up jerk. Why did you get me so excited to let me down? It’s not a nice thing to do. It was really mean. Even when we would fight, you were never mean._


	2. Mandatory Meeting

Lara Jean woke up the next morning earlier than usual. She lifted her head from the pillow and saw she had left herself a glass of water and two Advil on her nightstand. She swallowed them down walking to the bathroom. She turned on the shower and took a long look in the mirror. She didn’t wash her face last night so her mascara was smudged on the top of cheeks. She took a makeup wipe and swiped it across her face. She felt like she needed to rinse off her embarrassment from last night.

She got into the shower and let the warm water wash over her and let out a deep breath. It still hadn’t fully hit her that he didn’t show. She had tried not to convince herself that this would be a thing, but it was her. And it was him. The king of romantic gestures. She kept imagining the moment they would touch again for the first time. She would wrap him in a hug and feel his strong lats. He would smell her shampoo she used just for him. They would meld back together. It would be perfect. But that was a fantasy.

She finished getting ready for work. She grabbed her work bag and took her phone off the charger. It was the first time she looked at it since last night. Still nothing from him. She moved her eyes up to the mirror that was above the front table. He really hadn’t sent anything back. She sighed and tucked her hair behind both ears then headed out the door.

* * *

Lara Jean walked into the office, put her bag down, and immediately went to go pour herself a cup of coffee. She took the smell in and began to feel alive again. She got back to her desk just as her friend Casey was coming in. They sat across from each other at the publishing company they both worked for.

“Morning, my love!” Casey sang out. Casey was the peppiest person LJ knew. She used to be a musical theatre performer and often would sing about her tasks to make them seem less awful.

“Hi Case.” LJ replied opening up her computer and seeing the mountain of emails & submissions she had to read today.

“Are you coming to the merger meeting this afternoon or do you have other stuff?” Casey said taking her strawberry blonde curls out of a ponytail. 

“I believe the words I heard when I tried to get out of it were _Company Wide Mandatory_ ” Lara Jean rolled her eyes. Their small niche publishing company was bought by one of the biggest publishing houses in the world. The larger company set up a meet and greet / new rules meeting.

“At least there’s a free lunch?” Casey smiled and sat on the edge of LJ’s desk. “Do you think sandwiches or something fancier, like Thai food from fancy place down the street? I could really go for some Drunken Noodles right now.”

LJ laughed. “I wouldn’t get your hopes up too much. I feel like it’s going to be a lot of nothing but time wasted when I have about fifty submissions to read by the weekend.”

“Only 50? You will have that done by end of day tomorrow, my little speed demon.” She shimmied. Casey hoped off LJ’s desk and walked over to hers singing to herself, “Come my friends as we all sing a happy little working song”

* * *

She and Casey walked into the meeting together. It was on the floor above them in a huge presentation room. An entire wall was lined with windows showing off an incredible view of the city. They walked over to the spread of sandwiches, chips and cookies.

“I mean, at least they are the good stuff.” Casey said as they approached. “Thank god they didn’t get the shitty sandwich platter from the grocery store down the street. They are always soggy.”

“Yeah, great.” Lara Jean was half in her phone still. She was a few pages into a promising book proposal. She specialized in reading the romance submissions. This one included the lead woman getting memory loss and someone trying to take her fortune by convincing her they were engaged to be married. She was determined to turn her day around and wanted to send at least one good submission to her boss. She thought his might be it.

“Covey?”

Her heart stopped. She knew exactly whose voice that was. It was like the world was spinning around her and she didn’t know how to stop it. She tried to take a breath so she could muster up the courage to look at him.

“Peter.” She turned around to face him. She felt her cheeks flush. He looked mostly the same as he did the last time she saw him. He stood there in a light blue button up that perfectly fit around his broad shoulders. His hair was her favorite length on him. Long enough for her to play with the curls, but short enough to still look professional. She couldn’t help but think he would make a perfect Disney prince.

“You work here?” he stepped closer to her with a look of regret in his eyes. 

“I do.” She said still examining him. “You’re here for….?”

“Oh, I’m a consultant for companies going through acquisitions. I get sent in to make it all work.” He scratched the back of his head. “Um…I’m really sorry about-“

Lara Jean cut him off. “Please don’t.” She closed her eyes and quickly counted to ten. “I really can’t handle getting rejected again right now.”

“But I didn’t reject you. I tried to send you like 15 texts. My rental car broke down and- “

“Hello Everyone!” a booming voice at the front of the room with a microphone yelled out. “How are the best publishers in the Greater Atlanta Area doing today!?”

“I’ve gotta go.” She said turning away to go find Casey.

“Promise me we’ll talk later.” He begged.

“Maybe.” She said and quickly went to sit down next to her friend. She stared straight ahead. She refused to look back at him. Peter still had so much power over her. Her heart was panging for him. It was a pull she could never fully explain to anyone.

She couldn’t focus on the meeting at all. She saw the PowerPoint headings of _Benefits_ & _Company Culture_ , but couldn’t tell you a single thing that was said. When he got brought on stage by who was presumably his boss, she felt tears rising up. She checked her phone again to see if he was lying. There wasn’t anything from him. She felt a rage come over her body. When they dated before they had set a set of rules in a contract. Number one was to always tell the truth. She couldn’t believe that he could lie to her so easily. That’s what hurt her the most.

Lara Jean was determined not to cry at a company-wide meeting. She started tapping her hands on her thighs. Keeping a rhythm made the time go faster.

Once the meeting was let out, she sprinted out the side door. She couldn’t talk to him right now. She wanted to avoid him at all costs. She got back onto their floor and ran straight into the bathroom. She sat down in one of the stalls, putting her head in her hands. She couldn’t believe this was actually happening.

“Lara Jean?” she heard Casey enter. “Are you in here?”

“Yes,” she said wearily. “Third stall down.”

Casey lightly swung the door open. “Hi friend. Fancy seeing you here?” she smiled. “What’s going on? You look like you saw a ghost that you want to punch in the face.”

“That pretty much sums it up.” Lara Jean was thankful to have Casey to lighten the mood. “That guy was…um…remember I told you about my high school and college boyfriend Peter? Well that was him.”

“Shit.” Casey said leaning up against the doorway.

“And last night we were supposed to meet up and he didn’t show. I got super emotional over it and drank a lot and I’m so mad about it. I’m so mad he still has this effect over me. I’m pissed that I let myself get my hopes up that maybe something would happen, I guess.” She wiped away the tears that were forming in her eyes. “I guess I just was in shock and I definitely didn’t plan on seeing him the literal next day after being rejected.”

“2 things. 1.Give me a hug because, fuck, I would have run out of the room the instant I saw his dumb cute face. You are so much stronger than me.” The two friends hugged and Lara Jean felt herself come back to center again. “And 2. Why the hell didn’t you tell me you had a would-be date last night? I could have gotten you done up and gone and run recall at the bar. Then at least you wouldn’t have gotten drunk by yourself.”

“Well I learned my lesson now.” Lara Jean took a deep breath and got up and walked out of the stall with her friend. She checks herself in the mirror and brought all her hair to one side. “Ready.” She sighed under her breath. Casey grabbed her hand and gave it a squeeze. “I’ll watch the door and if I even see his gross face look in, I will go full Sweeny Todd on his ass.” They both giggled and walked back to their desks.

There were no slitting throats that afternoon. It ended up being a pretty quiet for Lara Jean. She got so lost in reading that she didn’t even see the time. Casey was gone already. A few times a month, she left early to pick her half-sister up from swim practice to help her Dad out. It was almost 6. She had planned to Facetime her sisters tonight and needed to get home if she wanted to get Margo before she got too busy with bedtime for the kids. She packed up her bag and headed out.

She got out of the elevator into the building lobby when she saw him again. Peter was sitting on a small bench in between two other elevators. He had not looked up from his phone. She was frozen for a moment before trying to put her head down and walk swiftly by him.

“Covey.” He said jogging to catch up with her.

She kept walking. She didn’t want to do this right now. She hadn’t prepared for this enough.

“I think I really need to explain myself, please.” He said keeping pace with her. He had much longer legs than her.

“I just don’t want to do this right now.” Lara Jean said taking a deep breath as they walked into the parking garage.

“I get that, but I feel like you don’t believe me about trying to reach you and I want to prove to you- “

“Please. Peter.” She stopped short. “I can’t deal with you rejecting me right now.”

“But I didn’t. I swear on my mom & Owen. Look.” He showed her his phone. It was a message screen with multiple texts. All with red exclamation points next to them. “I did try to text you. The rental car they gave me broke down on the side of 75. I was on my way to you. I didn’t realize these texts didn’t send until this afternoon.” He put his phone back in his pocket. “And when I saw your last text from last night I just thought you hated me. I didn’t know what to say back.”

LJ’s head was all over the place. She couldn’t decide if she was mad, embarrassed, confused, sad, or a mix of all of the emotions. “Okay,” she said. She knew that he could tell the wheels were spinning in her head.

“So, can we please do a re-do?” He ran his hand through his hair and did the half smirk that used to drive Lara Jean mad.

“No.” It came out of her mouth before her brain could process his question. “I just can’t.” she walked swiftly to her car, leaving him standing there alone.

LJ knew if she said yes, she would fall back into his arms again no problem. He could do whatever he wanted to her and she would take it because it was him. It was her Peter. If he was only here on business, she couldn’t take the notion of him leaving again. She had been rejected by him twice before (not counting last night) and knew how long it took to get over him. She couldn’t have that happen again. She knew she was getting ahead of herself, but that’s what she did. She lived in her head and it was easier for her to be alone than be hurt again.

* * *

She walked into her apartment and took out her laptop. She called Kitty and Margot. Their faces popped on screen.

“Hi Kitty! Hi Margot!” she said. She was putting on her best everything is alright face.

“Why are you so happy?” Kitty said looking up from her textbook. Kitty was studying to be a lawyer, perfect for someone who loves to argue as much as her.

“Can’t I be happy to see my two favorite sisters?” LJ replied.

“Kitty, stop being mean to Lara Jean.” Margot said propping her phone up on the table. She smiled. “Look who came to say hello to their Aunties?” she picked up a toddler and waved their hands.

“Hi my sweet Edward.” Lara Jean waved back to her nephew. “What did you do today?”

“Vroom Vroom.” He said clapping his hands.

“Oh yes, we played with cars all afternoon while watching cars on tv and making all the car noises.” Margot said with exhaustion in her eyes.

“What is your favorite car, Eddie?” Kitty said while making silly faces at the baby.

“Firetruck.” He said “WEEE-OWW! WEEE-OWW!” he yelled.

“Shh. My baby it’s too loud for that. I think Daddy is ready for your bath. Can you go see him?”

“Bye Eddie!” Kitty shouted as the toddler waddled away to the bathroom.

“I have been with him all day, Ravi thankfully is doing bath time tonight.” Margot said taking a sip of wine. “Lara Jean, have you been crying? You face is all puffy.”

“No.” she responded immediately. “That was so rude to say. I am just stressed out and ate too much cheese.”

“Fine. Whatever you say.” She took another sip of wine. “By the way, what day are you getting to the beach house again? Daddy is trying to get the rental house at the beach the day early but says it’s not worth it if you’re coming so late.”

“I planned to be there on the 3rd. I have to work the convention before that. I’m coming straight from New York.”

“Fine, maybe I’ll fib so I can get another day of vacation though…” Margot pondered.

“Honestly, do what you gotta do.” Lara Jean laughed.

Her sisters always had a way of calming her. She hated lying to them, but knew that if she told them about Peter it would be the only thing spoken about for the next hour. She needed some sister bonding time.

“So, did I tell you about this new serial murder podcast I’ve been listening to?” Kitty said stretching back. “I keep using it as my reward when I finish a section of my study materials. I have finals in next week and I swear it’s the only thing keeping me going.”

“I don’t get how you listen to that stuff.” Margot took another sip of wine. “Don’t you get creeped out living by yourself and having that in the back of your head.”

“I have a roommate and I live in a very populated college town. If something happens, everyone would know. No one is getting away with murder up in here.” Kitty retorted.

“I love that the guy who’s Dean from Harry Potter in that show.” Lara Jean added. She has always been the quietest of the Song Covey girls and sometimes struggled to get a word in. She didn’t mind most of the time.

“The Harry Potter glow ups are real.” Kitty said pulling her hair into a messy bun at the top of her head. Lara Jean sometimes couldn’t believe how grown up Kitty was now. She was stunning with high cheek bones and big brown eyes. She never wore makeup except for at weddings or prom but could easily pass for a model. She also got the height that skipped over Lara Jean and Margot. Kitty was easily 5 inches taller than LJ on a good day.

“Do you think I could pull off an Emma Watson pixie cut?” Lara Jean asked messing with her own hair now.

“No. Absolutely not.” Margot spat out. “Your face is round. You need the framing around your face or you would look like a tomato.”

“Wow. Ouch. I will take my tomato face outta here if I am going to be subjected to such slander.” LJ faked it was hurting her more than it was.

“I think it would be more bagel than tomato.” Kitty laughed.

Lara Jean couldn’t help but laugh at that. This is exactly what she needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that reunion didn't go as planned....   
> We love some Song-Covey sister time.   
> Thank you so much for the feedback on the first chapter! Y'all are the coolest!


	3. Birthday Drinks

A week had passed and LJ had successfully avoided Peter Kavinsky. She only had seen him one time since they realized they were working in the same building. Lara Jean’s boss, Meg, had forgotten a binder about the book conference that was coming in her office. She asked LJ to bring it to her in the executive conference room. Peter was there. She slid in the doors while faked a smile at him, handed the binder to her boss and quietly slipped out.

Lara Jean thought it would be easier to see him but, she still felt the pang in her heart when he looked at her. She tried to turn it off, but she felt impervious to his charms, even without a word spoken. Distance seemed to be the only thing to keep her from becoming a puddle.

* * *

At her desk, she was writing an email to one of her favorite writers on their roster. The writer, Betty James, was going to be on the Contemporary Romance panel at the book convention next week. She and Lara Jean had become quite friendly over the past two years. Lara Jean knew Betty was arriving early for the convention and wanted to go get coffee with her in any free time she had.

“Excuse me miss?” a man’s voice swirled behind her. LJ turned around to see her friend Will’s face. Will worked in the accounting department of their company. He and Lara Jean started together on their first day. They had a special bond from that day forward. They constantly sent each other memes and baking videos. Will loved to bake too. He and his fiancé Garrett had a Nancy Meyers-esque kitchen with white cabinets and a huge white & gold marble island that was the size of Lara Jean’s college dorm room. Will was her rock when she first moved to her new city. LJ thinks she would have crumbled if it wasn’t for him.

“Hi William. What do I owe the pleasure on this fine hot summer afternoon?”

“Well someone has not replied to my birthday drinks invitation.” He boped her on the nose.

“Sorry I’ve been so busy. I have been reading submissions like a mad woman and helping Meg get ready for the convention next week. I must have forgotten to reply.” She smiled. “But I also don’t know if I can come.”

“No. Lara Jean. You have to come. Garrett invited all of his friends from his soccer team and if you’re not there it will only look like I have like 3 other friends, which is not it.”

“I just have so much work to catch up on. We got another 35 submissions just this afternoon.” She wined.

“Which is exactly why you need a break.” Will looked over at Casey. “Casey is coming to my birthday drinks right?”

Casey removed one ear of her noise cancelling headphones. “If we are talking about tomorrow night, I will be there with bells on. I need it BAAAD.”

“See.” he smiled and gave puppy dog eyes to LJ. “Please say you will come to my birthday.”

“Fine.” She shook her head. “But only because it’s you.”

“Great!” Will started to shimmy away. “You’re gonna love it. Cute soccer BOYYYS!”

* * *

Casey came over to LJ’s apartment after work to get ready for Will’s birthday drinks. “Who do you think is going?” Casey said trying to perfect her eye liner.

“Will said there was 3 people other than us who were his friends. So probably just other people in accounting. Maybe that one girl, what was her name with the blue glasses?”

“Una.” Casey said in a Irish accent. “She is a lovely little lass.”

“I’m pretty sure she’s from Delaware but go on.” LJ laughed.

“I was most interested in these soccer friends of Garrett. I mean, Garrett is hot his friends must also be right? Like is there any possibility that Garrett is the DUFF of his friend group and they are all just hot models & actors?”

“I seriously doubt that, Case.” She looked in her mirror. “Which lip should I go with? Pink or red?”

“Red. I am never not going to tell you to pick red, especially since you insist on wearing all black.”

Lara Jean looked at her outfit, a low cut black midi dress with mesh puff sleeves. “Okay. Red orange or red blue?” she held up two lip sticks.

“Red blue. No one looks good in red orange my darling.” Casey was wearing a matching oversized pink blazer and short set with a nude bodysuit underneath. Lara Jean thought she would look ridiculous in it, but Casey could pull anything off.

“Pre-game before the Uber comes.” Casey said handing Lara Jean a shot and a can of La Croix.

Usually LJ would protest, but she knew Casey would just tell her “woman up.” She took the shot and heard a ping on her phone. “Uber’s here.”

* * *

When they pulled up to the bar the place was pretty full. Will had told them they had some tables reserved in the garden area outside. They made their way through the bar. Beautiful vines scaled up the walls that were lined with neon signs of “Get Lit” and “Drink Until He’s Cute”. It looked straight off her Instagram explore page. They eventually found Will dancing around holding a bottle of champagne.

“Look at these angels!” he exclaimed. “Who invited them to bless us on earth?” he hugged them, already a bit tipsy. “But for real though, you look fly.” He high fived Casey. “What do you want to drink? Garrett will go get it for you. Garrett!”

A tall muscular man with short blonde hair smiled and turned to them. “Hi guys,” he gave them both hugs. “This one is having a lot of fun.” He rested his hand on Will’s chest. “Did you just get here?”

“Yeah. It’s so nice to see you. I feel like I haven’t seen you in months.” LJ smiled.

“Well that’s because you haven’t been over to bake me any of your delicious sweet treats. Which is a good thing since I went on a diet.”

“Because you have what, 2% body fat?” Casey rolled her eyes and smiled.

“That is the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.” Garrett said not breaking his serious mug.

“I’m gonna go get a drink.” LJ pointed over to the bar. “Want anything?” she asked Casey.

“Paloma.” She smiled. “Want me to come help you?”

“Nah. I’ve got it. Garrett, can you please introduce her to your hunky soccer friends? She was talking about it non-stop in the Uber on the way here.”

Lara Jean disappeared into the crowd & worked her way to the bar. “Two Palomas please.” She smiled at the bartender.

“Double fisting it tonight?” a nicely dressed man in a navy blazer saddled up next to her. “That rough of a night?”

“Ha. No, just getting one for my friend.” She smiled politely.

“Evan.” He stuck his hand out. “And may I just say, you are probably the most beautiful woman at this bar right now.”

“Thank you.” She replied but didn’t make much eye contact. She was bad at flirting even when she wanted to meet a cute boy. She wasn’t interested in meeting anyone tonight. She didn’t really even want to be here, but she knew Will would drop anything for her if she needed it. She needed to be there for Will.

“So, do you live around here?” he inched closer to her.

“Not really.” She said trying to shut him down. _What was taking so long with her drinks?_

“I’m a VP at a tech firm.” He said trying to impress her. Lara Jean just looked forward. “I like your dress.” He touched her shoulder. “It’s really sexy on you.”

Lara Jean jerked her shoulder away. “Don’t touch me.”

“Babe, I was just being friendly.” He said smiling and putting his hands up like ‘what’s the big deal’.

“I don’t think she wants to be your friend bro.” She turned around to see Peter staring down the douchebag next to her. He was probably only an inch or two taller than Finance Guy but seemed like the Hulk to Lara Jean at this moment.

“I think this is not your conversation.” Evan said adjusting his jacket.

Peter put his arm around Lara Jean’s shoulders and smiled back at him smugly. “Pretty sure dude.” LJ was frozen. She didn’t know what to do. Her eyes locked on Peter’s hand who was firmly wrapped around her lower shoulder. Peter was still staring down the douche at the bar. She felt the heat of his tricep against her neck. It made the hair on whole body stand up. The bartender was coming back with her drinks. “Sorry for the wait hun.”

“Thank you.” She said while picking up the drinks. “Let’s go.” Peter followed her though the crowd to the garden area. Lara Jean needed to find Casey STAT!

“PETER!” she heard Will’s voice ring through the bar.

“You know Will?” she asked.

“Yeah. We’ve been working together for the past week and he invited me to his birthday.”

“Oh. Okay. Bye.” She said before making a B line to Casey.

“There you are.” She said pulling her in for a side hug and taking a drink. “Lara Jean, this is Matt. He and Garrett went to college together. Also, he’s British.”

“Hi.” She said shaking British Matt’s hand. “I need you for a minute.” She turned to her friend with a look of horror in her eyes.

“One second Matthew. Do not leave.” She winked at him while being pulled by Lara Jean over to the corner.

“He’s here.” Lara Jean said flatly.

“Who?” Casey said while taking down half of her drink.

“Peter.”

“Shit.” Casey said scanning the room for him. “I see him. Why is he here?”

“Will invited him. I guess they are buddies now or something. I was getting hit on by a dude at the bar and he came to rescue me. He put his arm around me to stop this finance dude from flirting with me when he tried to get handsy.”

“Okay.” She took a minute to ponder. “How did you feel with his arm around you?”

“Casey!” she was getting annoyed. “He can’t just do that. Why does he think he can just do that to me?”

“Well, it sounds like he was trying to help you. Maybe he just wants to be your friend? Or maybe he wants to make out with you. I honestly don’t see what is the harm in giving him a chance. You’re weird pull to him has got to mean he means something.” Casey said sipping through her straw and moving her hips back and forth to the music. “I will run recall if you really need me to. I will karate chop his ass if you want. But really, what’s the worst thing that could happen? You try to talk it doesn’t work and you never speak again? At least you’d know. Or it could work out & you’ll have 47 babies with him and live happily ever after.”

“Stop.” She said flatly.

“Just go talk to him. I knew you say you can’t be rejected again, but why not just talk to him. You’ve been in a mood since he showed up. You are never this pissy for anything. I feel like you won’t explode like you think you will.”

Lara Jean knew she was probably right but didn’t want to give her friend the satisfaction. She stood there trying to make sense of her million mile an hour brain as Casey went back to talk to British Matt. She finished her drink and went to get another before sitting down in the corner booths that Will & Garrett had reserved.

She looked down at her phone. She decided if she wasn’t having a good time in 30 minutes, she was going home. She set an alarm.

“Is this seat taken?” he asked with a shy smile. Peter was holding a bottle of beer in his left hand.

“Free country.” She faked a smile back. He slid into the booth next to her. He left her a good amount of room. He knew she was still mad at him and knew getting too close would be to his detriment.

“I want to apologize again.” He said loudly over the music while messing with the label of his beer. “I know it was a total miscommunication, but it’s my fault. I’m sorry I made you feel like that. That was literally never my intention.”

Lara Jean was silently collecting her thoughts. She still had so much anger for him making her feel rejected, but she also knew that the only reason she was so mad about it was because it was Peter, who for some reason she still cared about.

“I just can’t have you hate me.” Peter blurted out to stop the moment of silence. “I really did want to meet up and talk and catch up. I feel like the last time I saw you, at Gabe’s party, god. I was a mess. I was just trying to hide it from you. I had no idea what the hell I was even doing then. I always thought that if that was the last impression you had of me, I would forever hate myself. And then when I tried to find you later in the night, I couldn’t find you and Trevor said he thought you had already left with Chris. I just have never really forgiven myself for not apologizing a million more times for the breakup because I was such a dick and you didn’t deserve-“

“Peter.” She said softly.

“Yeah?” he looked worriedly at her.

“It’s okay.” Lara Jean smiled.

“It’s really not.” Peter said scratching his right cheek.

“I spent the last week being mad at you, but all that did was make me upset and I don’t want to be angry anymore.” And she truly felt that. A wave of relief came over her. She looked up at him and smiled. Before they started dating, they were actually friends. She knew him better than she knew almost anyone else. “We’ve been through too much for me not to forgive you.”

He let out a sigh. “Thank you.” He smiled at her while playing with the label on his beer. “Can we start fresh? Like before the standing you up thing?”

Lara Jean smiled back at him. “What standing up thing?”


	4. In Your Orbit

They walked out of the bar together that night. They had spent the night talking about anything and everything. They caught up about their families and old friends. They debated who threw up more when they both came down with food poisoning during Spring Break. Their conversation was easy, like they had no time apart. She wasn’t sure if it was the drinks or his magnetic field, but Lara Jean was radiating with warmth.

“But they were only together for a week! How is that your winning couple?” he shook his head putting his hands in the pockets of his jeans.

“Because we are all obsessed with her. She was the shining star of the whole thing. Were you really going to vote for Tommy & Molly? They were so boring.” She retorted back.

“They together like the whole time. Isn’t that the point of the show?”

“You know nothing, Peter Kavinsky.” She laughed.

“You’re the one who made me watch the dumb show.” He shook his head.

“Love Island isn’t just a show, it’s a way of life.” She laughed as they walked away from the bar and the music began to fade away.

They stood staring at each other for a moment. Both smiling and feeling the comforts of home. Lara Jean missed this feeling, safe & warm from just being back in Peter’s orbit. She broke the stare and looked down at the ground. “I should get an Uber home.”

“Oh yeah. Sure.” He said still staring at her. “Or I could drive you. They put us up in an apartment down the street.”

“Didn’t your car burst into flames like a week ago?”

“They gave me a new one. Much nicer. Flame retardant.” He smiled at her.

“Better or worse than the Jeep and it’s broken cup holder?”

“You mean the cup holder you broke?” he tried to act surprised. “What was it you tried to fit in there?”

“The water bottle wasn’t even that big.” She laughed.

He laughed and lead the way to his rental car.

* * *

Peter put the car into park in front of Lara Jean’s apartment. He looked over at her. She was on her phone.

“Sorry, just wanted to make sure Casey was okay. All her stuff is still here from earlier.” She smiled back at him, leaning back into the seat. A silent moment hung in the air. Lara Jean didn’t know what do to next. “Thank you for the ride home. You really didn’t have to.”

“Once a Covey personal driver, always a Covey personal driver.” He retorted. “I only hope that this car and live up to the majesty of the Jeep.”

“In its wildest dreams.” She smiled back. She remembered all the times spent making out in the Jeep when they were in high school. She would always invite Peter inside but he never wanted to be caught by Dr. Covey. The Jeep was their own paradise away from the rest of the world, well except when Kitty was in the backseat.

“Do you have anything going on tomorrow?” he asked biting his lip nervously.

“Yeah actually.” She said with a sigh.

“Oh.” His shoulders dropped.

“I’m hanging out with you.” She watched as Peter’s face was taken over by his smile. LJ loved the way his eyes scrunched when he was truly smiling.

* * *

Peter pulled into her parking lot at 9:15. He got out of the car and texted her.

_Here._

About a minute later, Lara Jean peaked her head outside the door. She found Peter leaning against his rented Lexus. With sunglasses & a pair of cuffed jeans, she thought he looked like a dark haired James Dean. “You’re never this early.” She yelled out.

“Making up for last time.” He smiled, holding out two cups of coffee.

“Let me go grab my bag. I’ll be right out.” She ran up to her apartment and quickly did a final look in the mirror. She had curled her hair into loose waves that cascaded right below her collar bones. She did a final adjustment of her lavender peplum top with tiny fabric covered buttons down the front. She paired it with white shorts & a pair of converse. They had decided to walk the Beltline, a walking trail that stopped off at various hot spots throughout the city. It was the easiest way to explore the most in one day. She thought she had successfully accomplished a casual-cute-is-this-a-date-or-not outfit. She had stayed up last night debating if this classified as a date or not. An hour long shower just got her head more in a tizzy. She grabbed her small cross body bag and locked the door behind her.

“How do we feel about delicious breakfast food this morning?” Lara Jean asked as she approached Peter’s car.

“Positive. Always. Where did you have in mind?” he said handing her a cup of coffee and walking over to open her door. She tried to hide her smile. She loved that he was such a gentleman.

* * *

They finally reached the Beltline after eating far too much at Lara Jean’s neighborhood diner.

“Where to first?” Peter said letting her lead the way.

“If we go this way, there’s some really cool art instillations on the way to the market.” She started walking before he could respond. It was the perfect day outside. It was weirdly cool for a June day in Georgia. People were out in droves. They walked through a park area where groups were congregated soaking up the sun.

“What do you think their story is?” Lara Jean leaned over to ask Peter about the couple laid out on a picnic blanket.

“Oh, I love this game.” He examined them for a second. “The girl showed up for a hot Tinder date, she dressed up in a sundress and put on a red lip and everything, but the dude totally catfished her. Like all his pictures are from 5 years ago. He has one of those super southern names like Gunner or Brooks.”

“Gunner Brooks sounds like a country singer.”

“Oh definitely. Or a professional fisherman. She keeps trying to bail but he won’t stop talking. See.”

Lara Jean looked over to see the man, gesturing wildly with his hands while the lady across from him was leaned to one side with a glazed look in her eyes. She laughed. “How long do you think he’s been talking?”

“At least an hour. That fruit salad is pretty much gone. At least she’s had some good melon out of it.”

“I hope she ate the good stuff first and leaves him the melon.”

“How could I forget the Covey fruit hierarchy.” He shook his head.

“If I don’t eat the strawberries and pineapple first then Kitty will steal them all for herself. Still at 22.” Lara Jean ran her hand through her hair to let it breathe.

“We love a girl that knows what she wants.” Peter mirrored her. Lara Jean felt herself melt a bit from the view of his strong arms. She wanted to let him in. She wanted to turn to him at that moment and kiss him, but something stopped her. She needed a distraction now.

“We have to get popsicles.” She said pointed to the small cart set on the side of the extra wide walkway. He looked at her questioning her choices. They had just eaten breakfast less than an hour ago.

“You won’t regret it.” She grabbed his forearm and dragged him over to the stand. “Hi. Two blueberry lemonades, please.” She pulled money out from her bag. Peter put his sunglasses on top of his head and gave her a look she knew as ‘put your money away’, but she insisted. “You got breakfast.”

Peter rolled his eyes and accepted the pop. “Well cheers. And thank you.” He tore off the wrapper on his popsicle and cheers LJ. “To new beginnings.”

“New beginnings.” She smiled and took a bite.

_New beginnings. Did that mean they were starting fresh? Did that mean friends or something more? God, he wasn’t making it easy on her. But did she even want it to be more than friends? She was so confused._ She was beginning to question it all when he interrupted her thought spiral.

“What’s going on in that head of yours, Covey?” Peter sat down as they approached a bench under a shady tree.

“Nothing.” She said quickly.

“You know you can’t lie to me.” He said turning towards her.

“No. Lying is your specialty.” She immediately responded. As soon as she said it, she instantly regretted it. It was like she said it before she even processed the thought. Her eyes shot open.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's heating up yall! Next chapter will be a flashback to the downfall / break up. Thank you for all the magical comments & feedback. You sure to know how to make a girl feel special.


	5. The Downfall - Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to split the flashback into two parts because I couldn't stop writing. Enjoy the breakdown.

Lara Jean launched in Peter’s arms. It had only been a few weeks since they had seen each other at their first Thanksgiving since starting college, but it had seemed like a lifetime. Being back home without him didn’t feel right anymore. He had become just as much of her home as her dad and sisters. He was her happy place.

After breaking from a kiss, he let out a small laugh. “My beautiful Lara Jean.” He pulled her in for a tight squeeze and lifted her off the snow-covered ground of her driveway. “How’d the Econ final go? I know that was the one you were worried about.” He grabbed her hand and walked up to the house.

“I did really well actually. It was mostly on supply & demand and cost efficiency. Listening to you talk about all your business classes actually paid off. I’m convinced some of it will be lodged in my brain forever though.”

“As long as I’m on your mind, I’m good.” He smirked opening up the front door of her house for her.

She shook her head. She secretly loved when he was being cocky. She knew it was 80% joke, 20% his honest feelings.

They had made it through their first semester at separate colleges without much incident. Lara Jean came to cheer on Peter at his lacrosse games once a month. They texted consistently & would FaceTime each other almost every night before bed. LJ had been told how hard distance would be but Peter was making it seem easy.

She gave him a quick peck as she walked into her home, which smelled like the Christmas cookies she had just finished baking.

“What kind?” he said while grabbing a cookie off the cooling rack. It began to fall apart in his hands.

“Apple Crumble. Emphasis on the crumble apparently.” She laughed.

“Itz so gud.” He replied with a mouth full of cookie. She leaned up and kissed his cheek. All she wanted to do was drag him up to her room and have some fun but knew Peter would never go for it when anyone else was in the house.

She dragged him to the couch and pressed play on the episode of reality tv she was watching earlier. They settled into the well-worn cushions and Lara Jean laid her head on his lap to cuddle close.

“Covey.” He looked down at her with a playful grin.

“What?” she looked up at him with a glint in her eye.

“You’re really going to do this to me right now? I haven’t seen you in almost 3 weeks and you do this while your dad is actually in the next room.”

“I’m not doing anything except watching Love Island.” She giggled.

He bent down and kissed her slowly and gently. Lara Jean got lost in the moment, always wanting more now that she had had all of him. She slightly sat up to get a better grasp on his face. They continued to make out. Lara Jean could feel a bulge building in Peter’s lap. It only made her deepen the kiss.

“Is Peter coming over?” Kitty yelled from upstairs making the couple immediately break apart.

“Hi Kitty.” He yelled back, grabbing a throw pillow and placing it over his lap.

Kitty rushed down the stairs, ran behind the couch & gave Peter’s neck a huge squeeze.

“Cookies should be ready.” Lara Jean said trying to give her boyfriend a moment of reprieve. Like that her sister rushed into the kitchen to indulge in a sweet treat.

Peter glanced at LJ and shook his head while adjusting the pillow firmly on his lap. “This is why we have the Jeep.”

* * *

Now that lacrosse season was over, Peter was supposed to be the one making more frequent visits. He promised to come every other week, but they things came up. Tests, team bonding activities, family stuff.

Peter was visiting UNC for the first time in nearly two months. They sat with a group of Lara Jean’s friends at the student center. Lara Jean could tell Peter wasn’t all there. She had texted him when they first got there if he was okay or wanted to dip out. He said he wanted to stay. LJ wanted Peter to get to know her new friends. She never had a friend group until she started dating him. It was really just her and Chris. She wanted to show off what she had built on her own.

She kept stealing glances, checking on him. She could tell something was off. She hadn’t seen him in so long. She needed to see what was up.

“I hate to break up the party, but I promised this one some pizza and a movie.” She was holding out her hands to help her boyfriend up. He grabbed them and got to his feet.

“It was nice meeting you guys.” He waved and followed Lara Jean out the door towards her dorm.

“I know you didn’t want to be there, but it meant a lot to me.” She smiled at him, trying to cheer him up.

“Anything for you, Covey.” He kissed her cheek and walked back. “I’m holding you to that pizza though.”

“Good. I’m starving. Annie’s sister got us two bottles of wine too. There currently hiding in my underwear drawer.”

“Lucky wine bottles.” He winked back.

Later that night and a bottle of wine down, Peter and Lara Jean are beginning to get hot and heavy on her extra-long twin bed. Lara Jean’s roommate Annie promised to stay at her sister’s apartment for the weekend to give LJ & Peter some much needed space. Lara Jean strattled him planting small kisses down his muscular neck. She kissed his secret spot, right above his left collarbone. It drove him wild, causing everything to intensify exponentially.

Peter was pulling at the hem of her t shirt dress. Lara Jean put her arms up letting him slip it off over her head. His lips immediately went to her chest, making sure to cover every inch of her.

It was the feeling she was longing for, connection. The weirdness she was feeling from him before was wiped away as soon as they could get back to them. Lara Jean reached back & undid her bra leaving her bare chested. Peter quickly returned the favor and removed his shirt, throwing it on the ground. The kissed again, way more passionately than before.

 ** _“PING!”_** rang out through the room. Peter broke the kiss and looked over at the phone which sat on Lara Jean’s wooden desk. “I gotta get this.” He grabbed the phone leaving Lara Jean half naked sitting on top of him with a blank look in her eyes.

“Really?” she said blankly, a bit insulted that a random text message was deemed more important than what they were doing a moment earlier.

“Give me one sec.” he said leaning back on his elbows typing a long message on his phone.

“Who’s texting you this late? Is everything okay?” She crossed her arms over her chest, suddenly feeling insecure about her current situation.

His eyes scanned around the room. “Um, team stuff. One of the athletic trainers just wanted to check if I was going to the workout tomorrow. It’s optional so.” He trailed off.

LJ got a gnawing feeling in her stomach. Something didn’t feel right. “Okay.” She bit her lip and tried to stare into Peter’s eyes but he wasn’t making eye contact with her. She felt awkward. They needed to get back on track. She leaned forward and placed a kiss on his cheek. She put her hands on his strong chest, trying to close the gap between them.

“Can you stop?” he said softly.

Lara Jean pulled back. “Oh… yeah.” She got off of him and sat crossed legged against the wall. She suddenly felt totally exposed. “Can you throw me a shirt?” she said. Suddenly feeling like she was about to burst out into tears. It wasn’t the fact he wanted her to stop, she had stopped them plenty of times. It was the fact she knew he felt he was lying about something.

He handed his t shirt over to her, giving her a kiss on the side of her head. “Here you go.”

She slid it over her head and moved all her hair to one side. They sat there for a minute in silence. Both of them were normally not one for a loss of words. Peter, who was lounging on top of her pillows, grabbed for her duvet covers. Nothing else was happening that night.

Lara Jean slid out of bed. “Be right back.” She tried to fake a smile. She went into the bathroom and locked the door. She turned the shower on and sat on the toilet. As soon as she sat down, she burst into tears.

She was overwhelmed by her feelings. The only other time she had this pit in her stomach is when she found out that Peter was actually waiting for his ex-girlfriend Gen on their Junior year ski trip, where Peter & LJ officially got together. There had been months of him lying to her to protect her feelings. Lara Jean thought she was never the kind of person who had jealousy issues. Insecurities, sure. No jealousy. She thought she was being crazy. Why would he lie to her? What was there to lie about? She thought everything was going fine before this weekend.

She stopped crying after a few minutes, turned off the shower, and went back into her room. Peter was already sleeping tucked tight under the covers. She hoped on her chair to get onto her lofted bed. Peter adjusted to let her in. She laid down staring into the darkness of the rest of her room. She couldn’t sleep with her mind running a million miles an hour.

After two hours of lying there and a few more buzzes, she couldn’t take it anymore. She reached over to his phone and looked at the dimly lit screen. She never thought she would be this girl, but here she was.

4 new text messages. One from Trevor. Two from his group chat with his lacrosse team. One from Tara.

Tara. Who was Tara? She put in his code, her own birthday. She immediately felt guilty but knew she wouldn’t be able to sleep if she didn’t get this out of her head.

_Missing you already ;)_

Lara Jean tried not to think of the worse. She took a deep breath and thought she was just seeing things. She tried to scroll up. They didn’t have any other text messages saved. Peter never deleted texts. She felt like she was going to throw up. She looked over at Peter who was deeply asleep. She quietly put the phone back down and cried herself to sleep that night.

The next morning, she was awoken by a small kiss on her cheek. She opened her eyes and saw Peter fully dressed standing in front of her. “Hey sunshine.” He said smiling.

“Hi.” She slowly sat up wiping her cheeks of any remnants of the puddle she cried last night. “Why are you all dressed?”

“I think I have to go to that training after all.” He pet her head. “I know I was supposed to stay until late tomorrow, but coach suddenly made it mandatory and he’s been on me to take things more seriously, so.”

“Oh.” Her heart sank. “I mean...” she didn’t know what to say. His mind was obviously already made up. “I just wish...” she started to cry.

“Stop.” He pulled her in for a hug. “I’ll call you later, okay?” She nodded her head. His placed a kiss on her forehead and walked out the door.

* * *

Later that day, Lara Jean was still in a haze. She had spent the morning watching The Office to turn her brain off. She checked her phone. Nothing from Peter.

LJ went on Instagram to mindlessly scroll. After a few moments, she decided to look at one of Peter’s teammate’s profile. Jake, the team Capitan, lived next door to Peter and his girlfriend, Hannah, had befriended Lara Jean the first time she had come for a game. She opened his story. He only had one photo up of him and Hannah having a picnic. It was from 4 hours ago. Right when Peter said they had practice. So much for it being mandatory.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter coming tomorrow <3


	6. The Downfall - Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 of the Flashback of the end of their relationship.

2 weeks later, Peter picked Lara Jean up in front of her dorm. They were headed to Spring Break at the beach with Peter’s lacrosse friends. She hadn’t brought up the text messages she had seen. The one time she tried to, Peter was being so sweet on Facetime that she didn’t want to ruin the moment. She thought a few days away together, would bring things back to normal. She loved the beach & had bought the cutest bathing suits just for him.

They arrived at the beach house and unloaded their bags from the car. Peter pulled her Lara Jean in for a tight hug. “I missed you.” He said into her hair. “I’m sorry I was so weird. I was just going through some shit and didn’t want to worry you.”

She breathed him in. “I just wish you would talk to me.” She looked up at him and stroked his cheeks.

He nodded and gave her a peck.

Later that night, everyone else had arrived. The house was filled with music and laughter. Most people were huddled around a large table on the outside deck. Lara Jean was leaned onto Peter’s shoulders. He looked down at her and kissed the top of her head. “I’m gonna go get another beer. Want one?”

“I’ll get it.” She said jumping up. “You enjoy your friends.” She walked into the house where a few girls were talking around the kitchen island. Their conversation stopped with LJ walked in. “Hey guys.” She smiled and opened the fridge that was filled with every kind of alcohol available.

“So, how’s it going Lara Jean?” one of the other lacrosse player’s girlfriend asked her. “Everything good with Peter? We haven’t seen you around lately.”

She turned back from the fridge holding a bottle in each hand. “We’re good thank you. Yeah, he’s been coming to me since I was coming to him during the season.” She smiled back.

“I’m glad you’re good. I was really worried for a minute there, right at the beginning of the semester, but that boy is obsessed with you.” She said pulling her hair into a high pony tail. 

LJ tried to keep her emotions in check and bit the inside of her cheek. What was she talking about the beginning of the semester? What was Peter doing when she wasn’t there? Why would some random girlfriend know anything about it? Her mind was racing. “Well, I should get this to him.” She held up a beer. “Nice talking to you.”

She opened the sliding glass door and walked back out to him. He took the beer and gave her a quick peck. She slid back into the curvature of his chest and shoulder. He was engaged in a conversation about their game vs Duke with Jake. Her mind was running a million miles a minute. She felt like her whole body was doing everything for her to not break down. Her legs couldn’t help but shake.

“You okay?” Peter whispered into her ear. She shook her head no.

“Let’s go for a walk.” She nodded back and got up.

Lara Jean held Peter’s hand as they walked down the front steps. She was wearing Peter’s zip up hoodie as the evening ocean breeze got too cold for her tiny frame.

“Spill it. What did they say to you in the kitchen?”

She took a deep breath. “They said something about you at the beginning of the semester, like being weird and stuff.”

“I think I was probably just missing you. We got to spend so much time together during break and going back to not seeing you every day kinda messed with my head.”

“Then who’s Tara?”

“Tara?” he looked at her as if he just got caught.

“Yeah. I saw your phone last time you visited me.” She looked down at the ground.

“Okay.” He was processing the information as they turned the corner. The only sound was the ocean waves in the distance.

She stopped dead. “Peter, did you cheat on me?”

“No.” he said firmly. “Not in any real way.”

“Real way, what the hell does that even mean?” she let go of his hand and put them firmly in the hoodie’s pockets.

“At the beginning of the semester, we were all just friends. She hangs with lots of the lacrosse guys girlfriends. I thought we were all just friends, but then she started texting me really flirty stuff. I kept trying to let her down lightly, but I don’t think she really got the point for a long time. She was really drunk one night and came knocking on my door after dropping off Hannah at Jake’s and tried to kiss me.” He ran his hands through his curls. “Nothing happened though. I let her puke in my bathroom and got campus security to take her to her dorm.”

Tears pooled in LJ’s eyes. She knew her boyfriend was hot, obviously, but thought he would have done more to not have someone think they could make a move.

“I swear on my mom & Owen, that nothing happened.” He said looking deeply into her eyes. “I need you to trust me on this.”

“But why did you lie in the first place?” she sniffled.

“Because I didn’t want you to worry.” He said stepping close to her and rubbing her arms lovingly.

“Then why did you lie about that practice?” she said flatly. “You said it was mandatory but I saw on Jake’s story that he was out with Hannah.”

Peter dropped his arms and stood there speechless.

Lara Jean crossed her arms. “I literally just need you to be honest. I hate lying. It’s the thing that gets me the most upset. You know that. Just tell the fucking truth.”

“It was just weird and we couldn’t get on the same page. I thought you didn’t want me there. So, I found a reason to leave.”

“I was half naked begging for you to have sex with me! How did I not want you there? And then you bailed so early the next morning. Like I had done something wrong. Like you didn’t want me. Like you were rejecting me. You could have said something. We could have talked about how you were feeling. We’re supposed to be the people we can talk to about anything.”

“I know.” He said quietly. “I’m sorry.” He looked down and wiped away the tears that had formed in his eyes. “I think I missed you and now that season is over I am having a hard time finding my place at school. I thought visiting you would fix it, but it didn’t and I freaked.” He popped his tongue against his teeth. “I’m sorry I made you think I was rejecting you. I just felt lost and you were so settled into your friend group that it felt like you were moving on without me.” He looked up at her for the first time in a while. “And I was really scared.”

Lara Jean pulled him into a hug. They stood there for a while not moving. She understood not feeling like you had a place. She used to feel it every day before her and Peter got together.

“Can we go get ice cream now?” he said in his low gravelly voice. “There’s a little shop one street over.” LJ nodded her head yes and grabbed his hand.

She wasn’t over it. She was still mad about him lying, but she loved him and knew he just needed her right now.

They spent the rest of the trip fighting over the toilet & puke pot. They got food poisoning from the ice cream they got that night. Lara Jean felt like it was some sort of karma trying to get back at her for being mad at Peter.

* * *

Things got busy as they approached finals. Their nightly Facetime calls became less frequent. They hadn’t been in the same place since Peter dropped her off from Spring Break. A lot of things still hung in the air. Lara Jean still wasn’t fully over the lying thing. She wanted to forgive him but just ended up wondering if he was lying about anything else.

It was the Friday night before both of their finals started. She needed a break and called Peter.

“Hi Covey.” He said obviously tired.

“Hi love. How is your study session going?” she put her phone down on her desk and put it on speaker.

“Fine. I guess.”

“Is now a good time? I can always call you back?” She said shyly.

“No. Let’s talk now.” He huffed.

“Peter, if you’re busy its fine.”

“Lara Jean, you called me.”

“Why are you being all pissy?”

“I’m not being pissy.” He sounded frustrated. “I answered my phone so you wouldn’t freak out, so just talk.”

She rolled her eyes and stayed silent for a moment trying to think of what to say next in her rising anger.

“If you’re not gonna talk, I gotta go.” He retorted.

“Peter, wait” she replied trying to talk some sense into him. It was too late. He had already hung up.

Lara Jean always knew about Peter’s secret mean streaks. He would keep it all in and it would all come out at once. He usually could channel it into lacrosse, but today she took the hit.

* * *

Lara Jean was waiting on her front porch when Peter pulled up in his Jeep. He approached and sat down on the farmhouse bench. Even though the bench was small. They positioned themselves at opposite ends. It felt like an ocean between them.

“Did your finals go well?” she asked trying to fake a small smile.

“Yeah. Fine. Yours?” he was looking at his hands.

“Good.” She bit her lip. The overwhelming feeling of dread was hanging over her head. She picked at the hem of her high waisted jean shorts. “So, can we talk about what’s going on with us?”

“You tell me, Covey.” He shook his head, continuing not to look at her.

“When did it get so hard?” her voice break as she tried to keep it together.

“I don’t know.” He said finally lifting his head to look at her.

“What can we do it make it better?” she said lifting her legs up to her chest and wrapping her arms around them. She felt like she was wilting into a shell of her former self. All the confidence she had built up had left her body.

“I don’t know.” He said wiping a tear from his eye.

“Peter, I love you. I love you so much.”

“I love you too, but sometimes that’s not enough.”

She felt her heart break into a million pieces. She tried to keep in her tears but they flew down her face faster than she could wipe her face.

He had to look away, he wanted to hug her or wipe away her tears but felt like it would put another hole in his heart. He came over here knowing that this was a huge possibility. Even with that knowledge, it didn’t stop feeling like he was constantly being punched in the stomach. So much animosity had been building up between them for months now. Neither of them could fully admit that it had gotten as bad as it had. 

“So…what do we do?” she took a long pause assuming he would have some brilliant idea. He was the one with more relationship experience after all. “Do we break up and never talk again? How am I supposed to not talk with you? You’re my best friend.”

“I don’t know.” He said shaking his head and looking away from her.

“CAN YOU SAY MORE THAN THREE FUCKING WORDS!?” LJ got mad now.

“I’m sorry.” He said fully crying at this point.

“Can you just talk to me? I can’t do this by myself.” Her fists were balled up into fists. Her nails digging into her palms.

He felt like he was about to pass out. He stood up. “I’ll go.”

She sniffled through her tears. “I can’t believe this is happening.” Her bottom lip quivered. 

“Can I hug you?” he said. He was pale. Lara Jean thought is face looked haunted.

She shook her head and stood up as he wrapped his arms around her. They both cried and held each other for a few minutes. It felt like a life line, like if they squeezed long enough, all their problems would disappear. But life doesn’t work that way.

She was the first one to break the hug. He stepped back examine her. He felt like if this was the last time he ever saw her, he needed to memorize every inch of his first real love.

“Bye Lara Jean.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy was this heartbreaking to write.   
> We'll jump back to the present in the next chapter & deal with all this unresolved stuff. Be kind & take care of yourself.


	7. Popsicle Hands

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We're jumping right back right where we left off before the flashbacks!

“No. Lying is your specialty.” It hung in the air. No one said a word. The only sound either made was a crinkle of their popsicle wrapper.

“I’m sorry.” Lara Jean said quietly regretting her previous comments.

He took a beat. “No.” he tapped his foot on the hard cement. “I fucked it up so hard. I lied. Then I lied about lying, which then ended up in the rejection thing, and it was all me. I was so messed up at the time. I just didn’t know who I was.”

“I think most people go through that at some point.” Lara Jean tried to comfort him.

“Yeah, I just had my mid-life crisis early I guess. I’m really sorry I took it out on you.”

“A quarter life crisis can do that to a person.”

He playfully shook his head. “I guess I thought it would be better for me to figure out that stuff on my own. I guess that’s why I pushed you away without knowing I was pushing you away. It’s not an excuse, but I hope it gives you some explanation. You deserve that.”

She smiled at him. “Thank you. I got in my head after those lies and then didn’t feel like I could trust anything. I wasn’t communicating that with you either. It wasn’t as one sided as you’re making it out to be.”

He smiled, suddenly feeling lighter, like they had turned some kind of corner. “You know I started going to therapy after we broke up.” She shook her head. She had no idea. “Yeah, I think I needed to talk to someone who could look at it objectively. The first couple times I went in I think I just cried through the 45-minute session.” He joked. “It was good to talk about everything, my dad, you.” He shyly smiled at her.

“I get it. I went to therapy after my mom died for a while. Just to process it all. My therapy after our breakup was more Insta-stalking you from Jamie Fox-Pickle’s account and listening to hours of Taylor Swift break up songs though.”

“She just gets it.” He smirked and took a chunk out of his popsicle. “So, we’re good?” 

“Yes.” She said trying to play it cool. “I do have one question though.”

“Whatever you want, Covey.”

“What is this?”

He looked at her smugly. “What do you want it to be?”

“I don’t know. What do you want it to be?” she asked, trying not to blush.

“Well I put on my best date jeans for my James Dean cosplay today.” He said taking another suck of his popsicle.

**_DATE!_** She did a happy dance inside her head. Any thought of her not wanting it to be romantic vanished. She tried to hide her smile but couldn’t help it. “Good to know.”

“Come on Covey.” He got up and put his hand out for hers. She got to her feet, her hand in his. She let go as they began to walk again. They walked for a while and casually chatted while finishing their popsicles. Peter took her stick and threw them both out.

“So, if this is a date, I think this is the point where I would try to hold your hand.” He reached out his hand to her.

“Is that so?” she smirked. “You’re hands are covered in popsicle goo.”

“So are yours miss thing. Let’s be goopy together.” He said holding out his hand with puppy dog eyes.

She let out a small giggle and extended her hand to meet his. “Better?”

“Perfect.” He said interlocking their hands. He had a perma-smile plastered on his face for the rest of their walk.

* * *

Later that night, they strolled into the outdoor section of a trendy dive bar in the Old Fourth Ward district. There were Edison bulb lights draped above their small table. There was a singer playing the guitar in the corner, creating a real ambiance.

“Have you been here before?” Peter asked rubbing her hands.

“I have been here. I came on a..” she stopped herself.

“On a date?” he smiled. “Is this like your secret date spot? Are you a player now, Covey?”

“It was one date. I heard they had good cheese board which they do and we are ordering it.”

The waiter approached them to take their order. They both ordered drinks, a cheese board & mini sliders for Peter.

“So, have you gone on a lot of dates since freshman year of college?” He tried to play it off like it was a total normal question instead of prying into her recent past.

“A total normal amount of dates. 2 boys I would consider boyfriends. Nothing longer than a year though. You met one of them, Ian. We dated during Junior year at UNC. He was sweet but had a weird thing about putting his socks on first when getting dressed and for some reason, it drove me insane. Couldn’t do it.” She shook her head. “Then I dated a guy for about six months when I first moved here. He was a little older than us and was ready for kids and a family and all that. I was just figuring life out. Just not meant to be I guess.” She tucked her hair behind her ears. “What about you? What happened with that pretty girl, I met at that horrible Christmas party, Jill was it?”

“I am 100% confident you know her name is June.”

“I do.” She smiled and rolled her eyes. “I kind of hated that she was so nice to me. I wanted to not like her or you in that moment.”

“She talked about you for a month after you met her. She just talked about how cool you were.” He was starting to get lost in LJ’s eyes before he realized she was waiting for the rest of his story. “We dated junior & senior year of college and a little after that. We broke up when she moved out to LA to work for a music A&R guy that her uncle knew. I was moving to New York for a job. Guess I didn’t want to do distance.”

“Why it worked so well for you last time?” she poked his side. He gave her a playful scrunched face look in response.

“And that’s it. Been single for a while. Some set ups here and there, but no one serious.” He leaned closer to her.

“Wait,” she put her hands up. “Does that mean I now have more dating experience than you?” Her mouth hung open jokingly. She used to be insecure that he was her first boyfriend and he had dated previously.

He laughed and put his hands on his face. “Are all your dreams coming true?” he sarcastically said.

“Almost.” She said and grabbed his face pulling him in for a kiss. She didn’t know what took over her body or where this confidence was coming from, but she wanted to roll with it. The kiss was sweet. But as LJ pulled away, she thought he felt like home.

Peter bit his lip and blushed. Lara Jean was the only one who could make him truly speechless. Lara Jean giggled at him and pinched one of his cheeks. He took her hand and kissed it gingerly. He looked at her swooningly, examining every part of her face. She hadn’t changed much since they first met in middle school. She was obviously more mature, but still had a sweetness that radiated out of her. She was still kind and beyond smart. She still would get a little crunch on the sides her nose when she was trying to be tough and a small dimple on her left side would come out only when she was smiling with her whole face. “I’m so happy.”

“Me too.” She said leaning in to kiss him again.

* * *

Peter pulled into Lara Jean’s parking lot. He got out of the car, opening her door for her. She got out and walked with him, hand and hand, up to her front door.

They stopped and stared at each other. “So how do we rank this date on a scale of 1-10.” He asked.

“8.5” she said titling her head to the side. “I can’t forgive you eating all the Gouda.”

“I left you a piece. You weren’t lying about it being good though.” He swung their hands side to side. His voice got a little lower & raspier. “I thought it was prefect.”

“No, you didn’t. A perfect date is a surprise trip to Bali or something.”

“It was perfect because it was with you.” He bit his lip and moved his hands to her waist pulling her close.

Their faces were just about to touch when he paused for a moment, building the tension. Lara Jean was putty in his hands. He pressed his lips to her, sweetly at first, but intensifying as Lara Jean sucked on his bottom lip. Her hands started to make their way into the curls on the back of his head. Her gentle rub of his neck made every hair on his body stand up. Peter felt her leaning more into him, closing any space between their bodies. He remembered how good it felt to have her in his arms.

“Want to come up?” she said, her voice low and almost breathless from the kiss.

He nodded, his eyes still half closed from the ecstasy of having her with him again. She grabbed his hand and lead him up the stairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wanted to get on track & write something sickly sweet after the most depressing flashback.   
> More to come this weekend ❤️


	8. Cult Leaders & Cold Calling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~the next morning~

Peter tried to gingerly remove his arm from under Lara Jean the next morning. He wanted to have a cup of coffee ready for her when she woke up. He adjusted his navy blue boxer briefs and walked through the living room into bigger than expected kitchen. He thought her apartment was so perfectly Lara Jean. It was cozy and well-lit by the floor to ceiling windows in the main room. While the coffee was brewing, he explored her living room. It was filled with jewel tones & candles that smelled like her favorite bookstore from back home. Her bookshelves were lined with books like cringy titles like “Power Moves” and “Battle of the Bad Boys”. Settled among the books were lots of small trinkets from her travels to Korea with her sisters. It reminded him of a grown of version of her bedroom back in Virginia only with a way more comfortable bed.

He slid back into her bedroom and heard a rustling in the sheets. “Uggggh.” She moaned as her eyes began to flutter open. It took her back when she saw a shirtless Peter Kavinsky in her bedroom. “Oh, hi.” She rubbed her eyes, making sure this wasn’t a figment of her overactive imagination. He stepped forward to hand her a mag. She took it and smiled.

Peter sat on the side of the bed and took a sip of his own coffee. “How’d you sleep?”

“Really well actually.” She said slowly coming to life. “What about you?”

“Your bed is really comfy.” He responded. “And you being there wasn’t half bad either.”

She was blushing so hard that she knew she couldn’t hide it. He leaned over and gave her a quick peck. She felt so comfortable being back with him. She felt like even though they had only really been on one date, it felt like old times, before it got bad. “So, what do you want to do?” she took a gulp before putting her coffee down on the oak night stand. 

“I picked yesterday. Today is all yours.” He laid his head on her legs.

“If I’m being honest, I wouldn’t mind just hanging out here and watching movies.”

“Thank God. I was hoping you’d say that.” He sighed and smiled up at her. He admired how soft her face was from this angle. All he wanted to do was cover it in kisses.

“Perfect. I just need to shower first. I bet I smell horrible.”

Peter sat up slightly and started to smell up, hamming it up for dramatic effect. “I get notes of vanilla” he kissed her shoulder. “Bergamot” he kissed her collarbone. “And wait, what are those doing there?” he kissed all over her neck making her super ticklish.

“Peter!” she playfully protested. She laid back against her pillows and Peter climbed on top of her. They both stopped for a moment and stared at one another. Both of them knew the magnetism that pulled them together had never really gone away. It wouldn’t have been this easy if it had. He leaned down and placed a sweet kiss on the top of her head. Lara Jean breathed in the smell of his muscular chest. He still smelled of ivory soap & sweat, just the way she liked him.

“I do have to go shower though.” She said leaning her head to her shoulder. Peter rolled off of her. He watched as she got up to leave the room in just her underwear and flowy silk tank top, which really showed off her breasts. He felt happy being in her bed and picked up the book on the bedside table. “Flames of Yearning.” He examined the cover and read an excerpt from the back. It was LJ’s typical bodice rippers. He always admired how unembarrassed she was by having these all over her home. Lara Jean used to be so shy and reserved. He was amazed that she now had shelves and shelves of books with half naked men all over her apartment. He heard the shower turn on.

“Hey Peter!” he heard Lara Jean holler from the bathroom.

“Yeah?” he answered as he opened the first few pages, making sure not to lose her bookmark.

“You wanna come join me?”

He immediately rushed to his feet and sprinted into the bathroom.

* * *

Lara Jean was cuddled into Peter while they watched the final episode of a documentary about a cult in Hawaii. They had been lounging around all day. They would occasionally break from the documentary for a make out session or to get the Postmates delivery. They were in a Peter & Lara Jean bubble and neither of them wanted it to pop.

Lara Jean was mostly able to keep her mind quiet. She just looked at him and melted. But she had a few wheels spinning and needed to get it out there or she thought she would drive herself crazy. “What are we doing here?”

He turned to meet her face. “I’m trying to figure out which one of us is more likely to get sucked into becoming a cult member. I think it’s me. You’d ask too many questions.”

“Peter.” She said seriously. “Like what is this?” she motioned between them.

“Um, I don’t know. I guess I haven’t really thought about it. I know that ever since I came here, I just wanted to be around you. And I know that yesterday was one of my favorite days ever because I got to spend it with you.” He rubbed his arm that was placed on the armrest of the couch. “I think I would say were dating.”

“We’ve been on one date, Peter.” She rolled her eyes.

“But we dated for like 2 years before. That is a cheat code to go over the talking & seeing portion & go straight to dating.” 

“I don’t think it works that way.” she tried to stifle a laugh, trying to get him to take it seriously.

“Well what would you call it then?” he switched into a funny voice. “Old chums who boned in the shower this morning?”

“You’re the worst.” She hit him with a pillow. She thought about it for a second. “So we’re dating…”

“Glad you’re on board because I already texted Trevor about it earlier.”

“PETER!” she hit him playfully in the chest. “Now I have to go tell Chris & my sisters before they find out from anyone else. You just made so much extra work today. You get one less kiss later.”

He grabbed her face in both of his hands and looked directly in her eyes. “I told him because I want everyone to know. I wanted to scream from the freaking rooftops when you kissed me yesterday. I’m all in on this. I know it’s fast and that scares you, but you gotta trust me. I know I haven’t made that easy, but I hope you can see I’m not the 19 year old idiot who let the best thing he ever had go.” He placed a quick peck on her lips. “Do you think you can do that?”

She leaned her forehead against his. She felt her knees get weak. Lara Jean knew she had developed some trust issues because of his actions. But she could feel how much both of them had grown since then. “I can do it.” She said in a low tone.

“Hell yeah you can.” He kissed her hard. “Now go call Kitty so I can see her freak out.” Lara Jean rolled her eyes and got up to go get her phone that was on the charger on her desk. Peter goosed her butt as she walked away. She looked back at him with wide eyes. “Sorry.” He joked. “Your butt is too cute. Couldn’t resist.”

“You’re down another kiss, Kavinsky.”

She sat back down on the couch after getting her phone. “Lean over that way” she pushed Peter over. “I want to surprise her.” She pressed her number & pushed Face Time. She was shocked how quickly her sister answered.

“What?” Kitty answered sharply.

“Hey, how did your final go? The presentation one?”

“Crushed it. I rule at this lawyer thing. Why did you call?”

“I have something I need to tell you.” LJ said softly.

She saw Kitty adjust her posture. “What did you do this time? Are you okay?”

LJ shook her head. “I’m good. In fact, I’m great.” She smiled over at Peter, who was starting to lean in. “I have a new… boyfriend.” She said with her eyes wide. It was the first time she said it out loud.

“You do?” she said unimpressed. “Who is he?”

On cue, Peter leaned in against Lara Jean’s shoulder “Hello Katherine.”

Kitty’s eyes lit up. “No fucking way!” she smiled and brought her hands up to her mouth in shock.

“Kitty, language.” Lara Jean sometimes still saw her sister as the 12 year old who needed help with everything and went into “mom mode” as Margo called it.

“Peter!” she squealed. “How did this even happen? What? How long? What?”

“My firm sent me to Atlanta for a job where Lara Jean works and here we are.” Peter skirted the truth. He knew Lara Jean would go into greater detail with her sister, but he was not going to tell her about how he stood LJ up.

“I feel like I’m gonna cry.” Kitty said constantly touching her face out of a mix of joy & bewilderment.

“Aren’t you supposed to be the tough one Little Covey?” Peter poked fun at her.

“Shut up.” She said making a sour face at him. “Does Margo know?”

“We decided to tell you first.” LJ said knowing it would make Kitty feel extra special.

“Good. I was the one who got you together in the first place after all.”

They both laughed. “And thank you for that.” Lara Jean replied. “We just wanted to see your face. I’ll see you next week!”

“Bye you two love birds. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do” she winked.

“BYE KITTY!” Peter yelled in a sing song-y fashion.

Lara Jean ended the call and put down her phone. She looked over at Peter. He was smiling so hard a vain was almost popping out of his neck. “One down, two to go.”

Peter looked over at her with happiness radiating off his being. He was proud that she was his. He was overjoyed she wanted to tell everyone. He grabbed her waist and pulled her close to him. He hugged her middle from the side and planted 10 small kisses on her cherub cheeks. He loved her. He thinks he never really stopped. He wanted to tell her but knew it would freak her out. Instead he watched as she called her best friend & sister to tell them the good news.


	9. Rose, Jack & Betty

Peter swung open the large glass door of Lara Jean’s office. She had her headphones on blasting BLACKPINK as she put final touches on her boss’s book conference schedule. He waved at Casey as he snuck up on his girlfriend. He placed a big kiss on her cheek. She spun around and removed her headphone. “Hi.” She smiled and gave him a real kiss.

“You ready to go?” he said leaning on her desk. They were leaving for New York tomorrow for the conference. They had to go to Peter’s apartment to pack before they would spend the night at hers. They had spent every night together at Lara Jean’s since their date. Peter said her apartment felt like a home, his felt like an empty box.

“Just give me one sec, I need to print this & then just send out a quick email.” She said pressing some of the keys of her computer and ran off to the printer room.

He smiled and nodded over to Casey. “What are you up to this weekend when everyone’s gone?”

“I’m actually going to a lake house with this guy Matt I met at Will’s party. At first, I was so pissed about not going, I love New York obviously, but I will just have to survive with a cute boy on a boat.” She smiled.

“He has a boat?” Peter raised his eyebrows. “Color me impressed.”

“I don’t think it’s his boat, but as long as I can Titanic off the front, we’re golden.”

Peter put his arms out to the side, “Never let go.”

“Every night in my dreams, I see you, I feel you” Casey started to sing out.

Lara Jean came back with a confused look on her face and put her arm around Peter. “How you doing Rose?”

“I’m Rose? I thought I was Jack.”

“You have never been Jack. You will never be Jack. I’m the Jack of this relationship.” Lara Jean shook her head lovingly.

“Well, I give you full permission to paint you like one of your French girls.” He smirked and grabbed her hand.

“Get a room.” Casey joked. “Or if we are still continuing this Titanic metaphor, one of those boxes that will steamily fog up and then a single hand will slide down the wall.” 

Lara Jean laughed and started to pack up her stuff. “Thanks Case.” She grabbed her phone and put it into her large tote. “Text me how it’s going with British Matt this weekend.” She went over and gave her friend a side hug.

“Have fun in New York. I am the most jealous. Can you at least try go to see one show when you’re there? For me?”

“I’ll see what we can do.” She smiled and grabbed Peter’s hand. “Let’s go.”

* * *

They walked into Peter’s apartment. Lara Jean was surprised with how small it was. She thought the consulting company he worked for would have tried to make him more comfortable. It was bare bones. It had a dark brown fake leather love seat. Two bar stools & a TV hung on the wall. A few generic pictures of a city skyline & the ocean hang on the walls. “This is depressing.” Lara Jean said under her breath.

“Why do you think we’ve been spending all my time at yours?” he threw his keys down on the counter.

“Because you’re obsessed with me. Duh.” She smiled.

He smirked and picked up her. She wrapped her legs around him and kissed him deeply. She began to lightly scratched the back of his head. Peter let out a small moan and began walking towards his bedroom.

* * *

They hopped off the plane at JFK airport. Peter had paid to upgrade her seat so they could sit together on the plane. Lara Jean had never sat in business class before & felt so fancy in her cushy seat. They walked down the runway. Peter was wheeling both of their bags behind him.

“Are you sure I can’t carry my own bag?” Lara Jean inquired.

“No girl of mine has to carry anything.” He smiled at her from under his UVA baseball cap. They made their way through the airport and onto the train. Peter lead the way. Lara Jean loved how confident he was here. This was where he lived after all. Lara Jean leaned on him as the train began to move. She looked over at him and gave him a quick peck.

“Make sure you’re facing that way.” He pointed out the left window. “It’s one of the best views of the city.”

She nodded and smiled at him. She loved that he knew her so well and that she’d want the butterflies that come with your first view of the skyline. He put his arm around her waist and shivers went down her spine.

When they finally arrived at their hotel, Lara Jean immediately plopped down on the bed. “I forgot how tired traveling makes me.”

Peter slid their bags into the closet and plopped down next to her. “You get used to it.”

She turned her head to look at him. “So, you travel, like a lot.”

“Honestly it depends on the job. I’m usually in one place for a month or so, then onto the next assignment. I have the apartment and everything but it’s barely used for more than a few days a month.”

“Can I see it?” she asked shyly.

“See what?”

“Your apartment.” She sat up and looked down at him.

He sat up to meet her. “Why don’t I cook you dinner tomorrow night?” he smiled. “I mean I know we are in the best food city in the world and all, butttt……”

“I’m there.” She smiled grabbed his neck and kissed him.

“Good. What time is your meeting?” he said looking over at the alarm clock.

“It’s more of a coffee than a meeting, but 3. It’s with that writer I told you about, Betty James. She has 35 romance best sellers in the past 30 years. She is like the Tom Brady of the romance world.”

He loved how much she cared about things she was passionate about. Her eyes lit up when she talked about books and authors in a way that he only felt when he thought about her. “You should go get ready then.” He said giving her a quick kiss on the top of her head.

* * *

Lara Jean walked down the SoHo streets and found the small café Betty had suggested. It was adorned with a red and white striped awning and had metal tables and chairs outside to enjoy the New York summer. She stepped inside and found Betty settled at a booth in the back. Lara Jean hurried over. “Betty!” she said giving the grey-haired woman a hug.

“Lara Jean. I’m so glad we could make this happen. Gosh. It’s so wonderful to see you.” She held by the forearms examining her. “You are absolutely glowing. Oh, to be young again.” Lara Jean smiled. “Sit, sit.” Betty motioned.

Betty commanded any room she walked into. Betty once a New York socialite who had stories for days. She lived in beautiful penthouses that overlooked Central Park and dated tons of rich & famous men in her day. When she was 27, a spinster in her days, she settled down with an inventor out in Rhode Island and decided to write books.

“So, what is going on in your life, my dearest? Has Meg absolutely drove you crazy with this conference? I swear every year she gets more and more stressed about it.”

“She’s not that bad. We had the merger stuff going on at the same time so she was a little preoccupied trying to woo some new authors who had deals at S&S.”

“And you?” Betty asked in her silvery voice. “What are you doing? What are you writing? I know last time we talked, you said you wanted to write.”

“I have a few ideas, but nothing down on paper yet. I’ve been busy lately and you know me, I need to feel ready to do something before I jump into it.” She shrugged.

“I think you just have to do it. My first time I tried to write, it was horrible. I think I tried to write about a Genovian countess or something silly. But you have to just get it out.” Betty held Lara Jean’s hand. They had developed a relationship after her many years working with LJ’s boss Meg. Lara Jean would answer Meg’s incoming calls when she first started and would end up having an hour-long conversation where Betty would tell her about the Senator who lived next door’s dog trying to break into her garden or the nasty rumor going around about the pop star living at the end of the lane. Lara Jean was thrilled to listen and learn from one of her literary idols.

“I know I have to. I’ve just been so busy.”

“Well I at least hope a man is keeping you busy. You are so gorgeous to be spending your nights along. This is a modern world after all. Live a little.” Betty shimmied.

“Actually, I am dating someone now.” She smiled back.

“Lovely. Tell me about the boy.” She clapped her hands.

“Well, his name is Peter.”

“Good strong name. Like an emperor or king.”

LJ giggled. “We actually dated back in high school and a little in college. We reconnected when the firm he works for sent him to Atlanta for a job.”

“That’s so nice. Rekindled young love with a handsome business man. I bet he still gives you the butterflies. You are a butterflies in the stomach girl.”

LJ rolled her eyes. “Am I that predictable? Yes. He gives me all the butterflies and lovely feelings. He’s so kind and smart.”

“And handsome?” Betty nudged.

“Very handsome.” She blushed. “He’s picking me up later, hopefully you’ll get to meet him.”

“It would be a thrill.”

Over an hour later, Lara Jean and Betty are standing outside the café. Betty is waiting for her driver to come around the corner when Peter walks up in slim fit jeans and a fitted faded green polo shirt which made his eyes pop. He looked so effortlessly cool and at peace here. Lara Jean waved him over. “Peter, I want you to meet Ms. Betty James. Betty, this is Peter.”

“Hi, Ms. James.” He reached out his hand to meet hers. “I feel like I already know so much about you. Lara Jean been so excited about this that she hasn’t stopped talking about it in a week.”

“Well she is my most favorite person down at the office.” She smiled at Peter while taking him in. She looked over at Lara Jean and gave her a thumbs up. “You didn’t say he was European royalty cute.” She winked at her.

Lara Jean blushed. And put her arm around Peter. She was so happy she got to share him with one of her favorite people. She gave Betty a hug as her car finally pulled up. “I will see you for your panel tomorrow.”

“Yes, you will.” She gave Lara Jean two air kisses and got into her black car.

“How’d it go?” he asked as he took her hand and they began walking down the busy street.

“It was interesting. She told me I should a writer.”

“Do you want to write?”

“I guess I never thought about it seriously,” she shrugged. “I mean I know I read everything that comes into us. I just never really thought I would have anything to say.”

“Well I love your writing.” He replied squeezing her hand. “That love letter you wrote when we were in the 7th grade, a masterpiece.”

She gave him a little hit on the shoulder. She loved her job at the publishing company but now her head was filled with thoughts of writing something of her own. She decided to table those thought for now and take in the warm summer night with her favorite boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A cutie before it hits the fan 
> 
> Thanks for all the comments & kudos! Yall are the best!


	10. You Can Have Manhattan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He wants to show off the life he created for himself. She realizes the hardships that may lay ahead.

Lara Jean pressed 2C on the pager box of the address that Peter had texted her earlier.

“Lara Jean?” she heard his voice fuzzily from the box. “Is that you?”

She pressed the box again. “It’s me.” She smiled.

“I’ll buzz you up.” He replied. _**BUZZZ**_. The door unlocked and she made her way up a wide set of stairs and found his door. She knocked and adjusted her emerald green wrap dress. She had power walked here from the subway after her last meeting with Meg ran late.

He opened the door with a smile. “Hi.” He kissed her and welcomed her into the apartment. “Sorry, I was going to be downstairs waiting for you but I forgot that you have the stir this endlessly.” He made his way back into his tiny kitchen. Lara Jean scanned the apartment. She thought this apartment looked way more like him. It was simple but everything had a place. There was a dark grey tufted sofa and a white TV stand above a teal printed area rug. There were lots of framed photos around the apartment. Some of Owen & his mom, some of Trevor, Greg, and his lacrosse friends from college. The apartment was small but seemed to have secret nooks and crannies that gave him all the space he would need. She was impressed by his perfectly mismatched throw pillows. She knew his mom must have picked them out. She always admired Mrs. Kavinsky’s eye for design. “Sit. Sit.” He motioned to the stools at the breakfast bar. She put down her bag and sat across from him as he stirred a wooden spoon.

“What are you making? It smells great.”

“Shrimp risotto with saffron & tomatoes. It’s the one thing I know how to make to impress someone.” He smiled. Lara Jean smiled back and took him in. His buttoned up shirt had a stain on his right chest and the sleeves rolled up. He had a single curl draped across his forehead. She thought he looked right out of one of the romantic comedies she has obsessed over her entire life.

“How did your last meeting go?” he asked adding the shrimp into the pot.

“Good. I didn’t really need to be there. It was mostly just to back up Meg.” She shrugged. “I’m just glad today was the last day. I feel like this week has been a whirl wind. I haven’t even gotten to spend time with you.”

“We’ve spent almost every night together.” He playfully rolled his eyes and offered her a spoonful of the risotto.

“But not every night.” She pouted back. She took a bite off the spoon. Her eyes shot open. “Hot!” she waved her hands. “It’s excellent, but hot!” she swallowed and took a sip of water.

She laughed. “I bet that was super attractive of me.”

“The hottest.” He said turning off the heat of his electric burners. “I’ll be saving that image for the next time I’m alone.”

Lara Jean blushed. “Should I be honored you think of me or grossed out by how much you have a crush on me?”

Peter put his hands on his hips. “Covey, we’re dating.” He laughed and picked up both bowls of food. “Follow me.” He passed her giving her a kiss while leading out to his small balcony. Out there he had set up a table with a fancy table cloth and glistening candlestick providing some much needed lighting.

“Peter.” Lara Jean was agape. She wanted to wrap him up and give him a thousand kisses. He was always one for grand romantic gestures. She was usually slightly embarrassed by them in high school, but this was just her style.

He put the food down and held her waist. “You like?” She grabbed his face and brought him in for a deep kiss. He knew he had impressed her. He wanted to prove to her he had grown up since the last time they were together. He had worked hard to make the adult Peter the man he thought Lara Jean deserved.

* * *

Lara Jean insisted on doing the dishes. Peter sat on the couch, fiddling on his phone. Lara Jean assumed he was trying to pick out some music to listen to. She watched him as he narrowed his eyes to concentrate hard on whatever he was typing into his phone. “What are you thinking about?” she asked drying the last dishes.

“Just answering an email.” He said not looking up at her.

“Yeah, isn’t it kinda late for that?” She closed the cabinet and looked over at him.

“Work never sleeps when you’re in New York.” He said finally putting his phone down to look at her. “Come here,” he patted the spot next to him.

She made her way over and cuddled into him. “So this is where you live.”

“Uh, yeah.” He said a bit confused. “I still have one more room to show you though.” He raised his eyebrows.

She rolled her eyes. “But like you live here.” Her tone became sullen.

“What’s going on? I’m so confused right now.”

“You live here. Which is like 900 miles away from where I live.”

“I told you I’m basically always on the road on assignment. I spend maybe 5 days here a month.”

“Well that’s the issue.” She said sitting up. “If you never come to your own home, then when do you expect us to see each other?”

“What are you even talking about?” he shook his head.

“It’s all just hitting me now that we’re here that we live in completely different places. This would be long distance all over again and we saw how bad we were at that.” Her wheels were running and she was past the point of jumping off this train.

“Lara Jean, I think you’re getting in your head. I travel for work, but I’d be fine coming to you on the weekends or any time I had off. It’s a 2 hour flight. There are million flights back and forth.”

“That’s from New York. What if you get sent on a months long job to somewhere in the middle of nowhere Idaho?

“Then we figure it out.” He said so matter a factly. He took her hands in his and looked deeply into her eyes. “I promise we can make this work. I would fly to the moon if you needed me to.” He gave her a sweet kiss. “There is nothing else we can do about this now. Can we talk about this when we get back to Atlanta and just make out now?”

She smiled and nodded her head. She was not over this. Her brain was in overdrive. She couldn’t stand the thought of him leaving her and only seeing him a few days a month. Over the past few weeks she had become so comfortable with being there, she didn’t want to be alone anymore.

* * *

Lara Jean laid awake against Peter’s chest in his bed. Her thoughts had gone into overdrive. She thought she had become a strong confident woman who didn’t need anyone to get along in life, but Peter made her question it all. Why did she feel like she needed him so much? Why was the thought of them being apart put her in such a tizzy? Her breathing became rushed and she could feel her leg begin to shake.

“Breathe, Covey.” She heard Peter mumble.

She looked up at him. He looked so perfect when he was sleeping. She admired his chiseled jawline and watched his Adam’s apple move slightly. She loved that he got her more than almost anyone. She felt like if he was away from her, she wouldn’t be able to stand it. She felt like she was about to burst out of her body. She suddenly popped up out of bed.

“Where are you going?” he moaned now cold, missing her body heat.

“I have to go.” She said grabbing her dress off the floor and putting it on quickly.

His eyes shot open and he sat up. “What? What’s going on? Covey?”

“I have to clear my head, go for a walk, I don’t know.” She said tying the waistband of her dress.

“It’s 2AM Lara Jean, you can’t just walk around by yourself here. We can go for a walk in the morning if you want. Just come back to bed.”

“I have to go.” She said walking out of the bedroom. Peter chased after her and grabbed her arm, trying to turn her back to him.

“What the fuck is happening? Why are you freaking out?” he started to get frustrated that she wasn’t telling him what was actually bothering her. 

“This all just happened to fast. We were dumb. We went on one date and now we’re acting like we’re married or something. What the hell was I thinking? We can’t do this. We live in different places. How did we ever think this would work? We broke up for a reason last time. It’s just going to happen again and I can’t deal so let me get out now before it gets too hard.” She tried to pull her arm away and he let it slip out of his hand. She grabbed her bag. “I think we just need time to think about this.”

Peter tried to open his mouth but she was already half way out the door. He yelled down the hallway for her to come back but it was fruitless.

Lara Jean walked a block or two with tears waterfalling from her eyes. Her thoughts were running a mile a minute and she wished he was there with her. She soon realized that she had no idea where she was. She called an Uber and got back to her hotel, alone & feeling worse than she had in a long time.


	11. Salty Air & Sea Breezes

The next day she was back at the airport on a flight to her family vacation on the beach in Virginia. She was exhausted. She couldn’t sleep last night when she got back to her hotel room. Everything reminded her of him. She sat on the floor because the bed was only comfortable with him lying next to her. She felt like she was missing a limb. That only made her cry more. She thought the room still smelled like him. He left his toothbrush in the bathroom & his UVA hat in the closet. She had both of them stuffed in the bottom her travel backpack.

She was so confused. Part of her wanted to run into his arms and never let go, part of her felt like why begin this again if she was just going to be left alone again. She shook the feeling and tried to think of waves crashing on the beach & the salty sweet air she was headed to. 

Lara Jean put on a sad Sara Bareilles playlist and tried to zone out on her flight to see her family.

* * *

Her dad picked her up from the airport. She ended up coming a day earlier than expected. She was supposed to spend the extra day exploring the city, but couldn’t bare being there without him. They drove the scenic route to their rented beach house. Lara Jean put the window down and tried to let the sea breeze settle her mind. She leaned back into the seat.

“I know you probably don’t want to talk about what’s happening with you, but I’m here if you need me. I’m all ears.” He said with a small smile.

“Just thinking it all over.” She said pulling her hair into a ponytail with the scrunchie she had ready on her right wrist. “Just a lot of stuff going on. My brain is all scrambled, I guess.”

“Does this have anything to do with your new boyfriend?” he said “I’m not trying to pry. Margo & Kitty told me when they got in a few days ago that you were back with Peter.”

“DAD.” She put her head in her hands and tried to avoid crying.

“Honey, I think you are a smart, grown up young woman. I know you know what’s best for you. I just don’t like to see you so in your head. It gets me worried.” He rubbed her shoulder.

“I just don’t know if the logistics work. He lives in New York and travels for work like 90% of the time. When are we supposed to see each other?”

“I think when two people care about each other, they make the other stuff work.” He gave her a reassuring smile. “I know distance is hard, but you’ve done it before, and there is so much technology now a days.”

“Remember how well distance worked last time?” she scoffed.

“I think you have to give yourself some credit. Both of you are not kids anymore. If I remember anything about Peter Kavinsky, it’s that when he wants something, he does whatever it takes to get it done.” He pulled into the circular driveway of their beachside house. It was up on high stilts. Lara Jean immediately remembered it was just down the street from the place she had stayed with Peter for Spring Break one year during college. She stepped out of the car and sniffled in her tears.

* * *

Margo huffed as she settles down next to Lara Jean and Kitty on the big sectional on the sundeck. “Well the kids are finally down and Ravi is passed out from too much sun. It’s sister time.” She folded her hands in her lap. “LJ, tell us about what’s going with Peter. You have refused to even acknowledge his existence since you got here.”

“You looked fine like two days ago on your Instagram story.” Kitty chimed in. “Did you get in a fight or something?”

“No.” she pulled the sleeves of her crème cardigan down around her palms. “It just hit me that he’s leaving.”

“What do you mean leaving?” Kitty asked.

“We live in totally different places. We’re in the same spot now, but he finishes in Atlanta in another month. Then he’ll get shipped off to the next place and I’ll never see him again.”

“Can you stop catastrophizing everything?” Margo sighed. “Sounds like you have time to figure it out. I know you don’t want to get hurt, but you’re just making it harder on yourself when you run away.”

“I am not running away.”

“That is exactly what you are doing.” Kitty commented. “Seems like he was trying to open up his life to you and you bolted.”

“I didn’t bolt. I just had to get out of there to clear my head.”

“That is the very definition of bolting.” Kitty exclaimed. “And did you get your clear head last night or did you spend the whole night crying?”

“Ouch Kitty.” LJ said with tears in her eyes.

“Kitty,” Margo gave her a very mom look. “Lara Jean, although she didn’t say it in the best way, her intentions were right. You just seem miserable right now. You didn’t even touch your bulgogi at dinner that I made because it’s YOUR favorite.”

Tears began to cascade down her face. “You guys just don’t understand. It’s always going to be different when it comes to me and Peter.”

“Maybe.” Kitty shrugged. “But as your resident match maker, maybe it’s different because you are so meant to be & the forces of the universe get mad when you are disobeying their very specific orders. You have always had this thing where you just fit. Even though you are so different, you made sense when you were together. If you don’t want to be with him, that’s on you, but… well you know how I feel.”

* * *

She spent the next day sulking around the beach. She would get the energy to play with her nephew every here and there but mostly sat under a large umbrella reading new editions of her favorite Betty James novels that she picked up at the convention. She would fake a smile around others and act like she was just enjoying her time relaxing.

She heard the comments from her dad and Margo when she went on solo walks on the beach to pass the time. She thought the more distance she had the more clarity she would have. But she was just more conflicted.

She had only texted Peter once since arriving. He had sent her 9 messages about her walking alone that night, being safe and if she got to the airport okay. He had called and she sent the calls straight to voicemail. She sent him a message once she arrived at the house with her family so he could calm down.

The more time she spent in her head during this trip, the more she realized that he must be feeling abandoned. Just like she used to feel. She felt like this was all her fault. It felt like shit. She would totally understand if he never wanted to talk to her after this. This time, she was the one lying. She had realized she wasn’t worried about the distance, she was worried about losing him again.

* * *

She woke up the next morning to Eddie yelling about fireworks. It was the 4th of July. She got dressed in a red and white tie-dyed one-piece bathing suit & jeans shorts. She knew she’d be spending the day outside. The 4th of July was her dad’s favorite holiday and he had very specific traditions he needed to accomplish.

Lara Jean knew her first duty was to make the traditional Covey 4th of July breakfast. Blueberry pancakes with strawberries & whipped cream. She had made the batter last night before going to bed so it would be easier for her this morning. She quickly started flipping them and stacking them up on an American flag tray her dad had brought from home.

“BLUE” she heard little feet scamper across the kitchen. It was her nephew Eddie looking up at the stack of pancakes in delight. “BLUE BLUE!”

“It is blue! Do you know why?” she knelt down to be at his level. He shook his head wildly. “Because of BLUEBERRIES!” she held out her hand to him with a handful of fresh berries.

He smiled and took a single berry from her hand. “Thank you, Auntie LJ. I love you.”

Her body filled up with joy. “I love you too. I think your Mom & Dad are on the porch if you want them. More good stuff will be ready in just a couple of minutes.” She watched as he hobbled out the open slider and hugged Ravi’s legs.

Little moments like this made her start to feel better. Then she would think of something she wanted to tell Peter and feel shattered again. This unending cycle was driving her mad. She finished up the pancakes and brought them outside to where everyone was chatting while drinking their morning joe.

“Pancake time!” Dr. Covey held court. “Now we can officially start the 4th of July festivities!” Everyone clapped and cheered. Ravi had Eddie on his lap and was feeding him pancakes. Lara Jean sat next to Kitty at the other end of the table.

“These are really good, Lara Jean. Thank you.” She said smiling. “Sorry if I went a little hard on you last night. I just want you to be happy.”

“I know.” She faked a smile.

“I know you think I just try to meddle in everything, but I swear I’m just trying to help.”

“I know.” She grabbed her sister’s hand. “You’re the kindest heathen I know.” She smiled. “I just don’t know what to do. I thought this trip would give me some sign or… you know its dumb.” She sunk into her chair.

“Signs are not dumb. I believe in signs. I know I’m supposed to only believe in hard evidence, but the universe works in mysterious ways.” Kitty took another bite of her pancakes.

Lara Jean wanted some direction. She stared out onto the horizon. People had already set up chairs and umbrellas up and down the beach. She closed her eyes and wished that the universe would show her something. She took a deep breath and opened her eyes and saw two birds fighting over a fish that washed up on shore. Her dad and Ravi were engaged in a detailed schedule of what the rest of the day would include.

Ravi loved the 4th of July as much as her Dad, probably because he was British and it all seemed cool and new to him. Since Ravi joined the family, 4th of July had become an even bigger deal. It was the whole reason they had this trip for the last 3 years.

After cleaning up, Lara Jean headed down to the beach. She put on extra sunscreen and let the sun wash over her. Margo had put on some 4th of July themed music and was dancing around with Eddie. “Over under for how many times we’ll here Party in the USA today?” Kitty asked from her beach chair.

“14, if Eddie has anything to do about it. Remember last year when he kept begging for it”

“AGAIN! AGAIN! AGAIN!” the youngest sisters said in unison then burst out in laughter.

Lara Jean stopped and looked her phone. Her background was a selfie of her and Peter cuddling on the couch. His shirt was off and his strong arms where wrapped around her like he was hugging a tree. She missed him. She wanted to text him but didn’t know what to say. She looked at the screen for a long time, swiping up and down to read previous messages. She sent the message and put her phone deep in the family’s beach bag.

_I miss you. Talk when we get back._

* * *

The pink and orange swirl of the sunset cast a golden light over the entire beach. The Covey’s were all out on the deck. The smell of burgers and hot dogs on the grill filled the air as Bruce Springsteen played though the wireless speakers Kitty brought from home.

Lara Jean was coloring a flag with her nephew. He insisted they needed more art. Who was she to judge. After sending the message to Peter earlier, she felt a bit more relaxed. She was anxious to see him again, but knew he probably needed time to process, just like she did. As she outlined one of the 13 stars, Kitty came out from the kitchen. “LJ, will you help me with something?”

“Sure.” She got up and walked back into the house. “What do you need?” she said following Kitty through the house. “Did you leave something in the car or something?” she said as they stepped out the front door. She lifted her head and stopped dead in her tracks.

“Peter.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't keep them apart for too long. 💖  
> Thank you again for all of your lovely comments & kudos. It's meant to much to me.


	12. Sparks Fly

“Peter.” She thought she was seeing a mirage for a moment. Her mouth hung slightly open.

“Hi Lara Jean.” he replied shyly. He ran his hands through his hair nervously. “Sorry for just showing up.”

LJ looked over at Kitty. Kitty shrugged. “I sent him the address while you were in the shower.” She smiled mischievously at both of them. “I’ll go, you two should talk.” Kitty slipped back into the house.

They stood there for a moment speechless. It was as if there was a battle to see who would talk first. Peter was the first to break. “So…”

“Yeah.” She said biting her lip awkwardly.

“Yeah.” He shook his head. He paused for a moment. “Wanna go for a walk?” he motioned down the street.

She shook her head and met him on the driveway. They slowly began to talk down the sandy streets of the tiny beach town. Lara Jean mostly looked down at her feet. She thought she’d cry if she looked up at him.

“I just have to—” Peter started but was cut off by Lara Jean.

“I’m sorry.” She blurted out.

“I’m sorry too.” He said taking a deep breath & trying to smile at her.

“You have nothing to be sorry about.” She said looking up at him and rubbing her face. “I ran.”

“But only because I wouldn’t talk about it.”

“No. I ran because I was scared. I was scared and it was all hitting me at once and I fucking bolted.” Her calm voice was beginning to rise up.

“Why are you scared?”

“Distance. I don’t know if I can do it again & I am terrified of losing you. I don’t think I can deal with that pain again.” Her voice croaked as she was holding back tears.

“Me neither, but why did you think leaving would make it less painful? When you left, I felt like my heart was outside of my body. I couldn’t even function.”

She bit her lip. “I just was so scared we wouldn’t be able to do it. Remember how hard it got last time? Now we have actual lives, not just college stuff to deal with.”

“We are fucking children when everything fell apart Lara Jean. We are different people now.” He became a bit frustrated at her. He was all in. Why did it feel like she was already half out the door?

“But why do you think it will work now?” she begged.

“Because I love you.” He cried out staring at her straight in eyes. It hung in the air for a second and his face broke out into a cocky smile.

“You what?” Lara Jean looked at him with tears forming in her eyes.

“I love you. I love you. I love you. I’ve known it for a while now. I knew it since the moment I saw you again. I wanted to tell you when we were calling Kitty to tell her we were together, but I thought that would freak you out.” He smiled and stepped closer to her. “I don’t think I ever really stopped loving you from the first time if I’m being honest. I was just always wanting you.” He lifted her chin so she could take him in. “I am in love you Lara Jean.”

She searched his eyes for something wrong, some sign to tell her this was a mistake, but only felt the love radiating from his soul. She leaned in and kissed him. He put his hands on her waist pulling her closer to him. Her hands made their way to his neck. She scratched gently scratched the back of his neck and in that moment Peter knew everything would be okay.

She pulled back and he rested his forehead against hers. “I love you too.” She smiled and blushed. He kissed her again sweetly. He pulled her into a tight hug, lifted her from the ground and swung her around. He put her down and put his arm around her shoulders.

“So since that day, huh?” she leaned into his side.

He giggled and blushed. “Shut up, Covey.”

“But we do have to talk about the logistics though.”

“We will. But can we just bask in the love glow for 5 more minutes?” he kissed the side of her cheek and continued their sunset walk.

* * *

They made their way into the back to the house. Peter was met with hugs and warm smiles from the rest of her family. Even little Eddie who had never met him before embraced him. It felt like he was already a member of the family.

Lara Jean lead him through her room to a small private balcony so they could talk alone. They sat down across from each other. “Pinky promise, we will talk this out responsibly and not run away when it gets hard.” He put up his pinky for her to join.

“Promise.” She interlocked her pinky with his and gave it a kiss. “So how are we going to make this work?”

“I’ve been thinking about this a lot.” He said clasping his hands. “It’s honestly all I’ve been thinking about for the past few weeks.”

“Do you want me to quit my job?” she word vomited out.

“No. God no. You love your job. I would never ask you that. I think I should move to you.” He said holding her hands. “I had a meeting with my boss while we were in New York and he set me up with a few interviews for me in Atlanta. I didn’t want to tell you before anything was in stone.”

“You’d move for me?” she said shocked in his gesture.

“I would do anything for you. And traveling is fun and all but traveling alone sucks. I would much rather be on the couch with you.” 

“But like, what will you do?” she gave wiggled her nose to the side.

“I’ll work in management or sales or accounting or whatever. I just want to be where you are.”

“But do you feel like… I don’t want you to feel like you’re giving it all up for me. I would hate for there to be some weird animosity for making you uproot your life.”

“I am never really in New York anyway. It never really felt like home to me. More of just a resting place. You are what feels like home.” He kissed her hands.

She shook his head “Are you sure we aren’t doing this too fast?” She put her head in her hands.

“That’s up to you. I don’t have to like move in or anything. We can just live in the same city.”

“It wouldn’t make sense to have two apartments if we’re going to be together every night.”

He tried to be shocked but broke out in a smile. “You want me to move in?”

She rolled her eyes. “I didn’t think about it before now but, yes, Peter Kavinsky. I want you to move in.”

He reached over and gave her a big kiss. She started laughing mid kiss. “Are we being crazy?”

“I like crazy.” He said giving her another sweet kiss. “So we all in, Covey?”

“All in.”

* * *

They joined the rest of her family up on the top balcony hand in hand. It was dark out now and everyone was leaning up against the ledge waiting for the fireworks to start. There was music playing and the lights were low waiting for the big show. Eddie was on Ravi’s shoulders raging to go since he was up way past his bedtime.

Kitty turned when she heard them coming. She was anxious to see what answers they had come to. She felt responsible if it hadn’t gone well since she was the one who made the call. She saw their hands laced together and ran over to them, “Are we good? What’s happening? I need to know.”

“Peter’s moving in.” LJ grabbed his arm and smiled up at him.

“YES!” Kitty squealed and wrapped them into a group hug. The rest of the group turned around to see what the commotion was about. Everyone was staring at them in anticipation.

“Peter’s moving to Atlanta.” Lara Jean announced and held up their held hands. Everyone cheered and Margo clapped together Eddie’s hands before running over to her sister and giving her a hug.

She turned to Peter. “If you hurt her, I will break you.”

Peter nodded his head and smiled at Lara Jean. “Not happening.” He kissed Lara Jean’s cheek and put his arms around her.

The crash of a firework caught everyone’s attention. The hiss of the sparks rang through the air. Margo hustled back to Ravi and Eddie who was ooh-ing and aah-ing at the explosions.

Peter & Lara Jean joined everyone at the railing. Peter stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her torso, cuddling his chin on top of her shoulder. They watched the rest of the fireworks that were planned perfectly with a mix of American themed music. They swayed to the classic tunes feeling so connected. Lara Jean reached back and kissed Peter as the fireworks continued. She felt secure in her Lara Jean & Peter bubble and never wanted to be without him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now it's time to wrap this one up! Just the epilogue to go!  
> Thank you again for all your kind words of encouragement!  
> Hope the ending will make all your hearts content!


	13. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the happy ending we all need

Three Months Later

“And…there…we…go.” Peter said hanging up the last picture on the walls of their new apartment. “Is it still crooked?” He asked stepping off the ladder.

“It’s perfect.” She said walking over and giving him a kiss and hugging him from the side. “I can’t believe we’re finally here.” 

After moving in with Lara Jean 2 months ago, Peter insisted they needed a bigger place. They had too much stuff for her tiny one-bedroom apartment now. The searched for over a month and found the perfect place right in between Peter & Lara Jean’s job.

Their new place was a sweet ornate townhouse built in the 1930s. Lara Jean had been drawn to the old character of their new home. She appreciated it wasn’t just open and plain. There were intricate designs in some of the windows and decorative built ins were out of her wildest dreams. Peter only had one request. He made sure they had an extra bedroom for Lara Jean to use as an office so she could read & write. They had a large patch of greenery beside them that made it feel like they had the hugest yard in all of the city. It was there little sanctuary away from the world. It was there little paradise.

Peter got an offer for every job he interviewed for. He ended up taking a management position at an accounting firm. He easily transitioned into his new position. He loved his new job and exploring the city with his favorite girl. He liked that he was closer to both of their families and now their siblings and parents could visit and stay in one of the extra bedroom. He felt like he was a real adult. He was settling down and he was loving it.

They snuggled on their couch. She put her head on his shoulder. “It’s perfect.”

“And it’s ours.” He leaned his head against hers. A sweet smell hit his nose & he kissed her on top of her head. “Whatever you’re making smells so good.”

“Oh shit.” She sprung up and ran into the kitchen. She opened up the oven and took out a tray of pumpkin spice cinnamon rolls. She placed them on her cooling rack. “Saved by the bell!” she exclaimed.

She was most excited about her new kitchen. Her former kitchen was tiny with little space to spread out. She was often using the washer and dryer as additional counter tops. In this kitchen, she had a full island with a farmhouse sink and a shiny backsplash. She felt like she was creating the life she had only dreamed of & she was creating it with the man of her dreams.

* * *

Lara Jean was at her desk when she heard the news. She immediately felt her heart sank when the headline popped up on her screen.

_Legendary Romance Novelist Betty James Dies at 80._

Tears began forming her eyes and fell before she could wipe them away. Betty was always a guiding light for her. Her spirit brought joy to LJ even when she felt lost in life. She thought back to the last time she had seen her friend. She seemed healthy and happy. She was full of stories and wisdom. She was a spark in the world whose embers burned so bright that Lara Jean thought it was impossible for them to ever go out.

She looked at her picture on the screen. It was a picture from a magazine profile of her a few years ago. She was sitting on her porch out in Rhode Island. She looked so at peace with her life. Lara Jean admired how she would just go for it. She remembered how Betty told her to do the same.

Later that night, she walked in the door to Peter plating a smorgasbord of her favorite take out. He wrapped her in a tight hug. “I’m so sorry my love.” She started crying into his shoulders. He pet her hair and lightly rocked her back and forth. “I got you all of your favorites and bought the movie adaption of First Summer so we could watch it tonight if you want.”

She smiled. “What did I do to deserve you?”

“I ask myself that every day.” He kissed the top of her head again.

She pulled away and gave him a kiss. “Thank you. I love you.”

A few week later, an intern dropped off a large envelope at her desk. It was sent from the Betty James estate. She opened it to find a sticky note on another envelope.

_Found this while cleaning her office. She would want you to have it. – Nicole: Betty’s granddaughter._

She looked at the letter. She admired Betty’s beautiful penmanship and the perfect wax seal on the back. Betty and Lara Jean always shared a love for intricate stationary. Betty had even send LJ some beautiful letterhead when she got promoted to her current job. She opened the letter trying to keep it in tact. She felt herself welling up with tears before she even read it.

_My dearest Lara Jean,_

_I cannot express to you enough the immense joy that filled my soul when we got to chat in that darling café in New York. Your friendship during my later years of life has been a true highlight. It is not every day you get to work with truly special people, if you are lucky you get maybe one or two. I am blessed to call you one of my special people._

_I am sorry if you took offense to my heavy handed nudging for you to create stories of your own. I just think your heart has so many stories to tell that make the world a little brighter. Let me know if you ever do write something, I’d be honored to be your first reader & biggest fan. _

_Lara Jean, never let your vibrancy go. It will take you so far in life & you are just at the beginning. _

_Forever your friend, Betty James_

_PS: Hold onto that handsome beau of yours. I don’t know what it is about him, maybe he just reminds me of a European Duke I dated when I was 21, but he seems like the one. You lite up like a grand Christmas tree when he was around._

* * *

Peter and Lara Jean were going out to dinner for their 6th month anniversary. Lara Jean had made Peter promise to not do anything too fancy. She was working overtime. Betty’s passing had inspired her to start taking her writing seriously. So in addition to her busy work schedule at the publishing company, she would spend several hours each night in the office creating character dynamics & meticulously planning the plot of her star crossed lovers.

Lara Jean was too in her phone texting Kitty about her law school graduation party to realize where they were. Peter parked the car, opened her door, and grabbed her hand as they walked to a white brick building.

“No way.” Lara Jean stopped dead in her tracks. “You didn’t.”

“We’ve never been and you were the one who said I would love it.” He smiled. Peter had taken her to Howell’s the place where Peter had non-intentionally stood her up when he first got to town.

She gave him a quick peck before going walking back into the restaurant.

They were seated at a table in the back. Lara Jean thought it was the perfect place for tonight. Intimate but not fancy.

“So Will told me that they just got their interview date for the adoption interview. It’s the end of this month, I think. They want us to be there for character references.” She said after taking another sip of her drink.

“Sure. I thought we already wrote them that letter though?” His thumb was rubbing the back of her hand.

“We did. I think they just want to make sure we’re not psycho killers or anything. Unless….” She shot him crazy eyes. They both laughed and cheered their drinks.

Their food arrived and Peter’s eyes lit up as he tried every new thing they ate. “Holy shit, why didn’t we come here sooner.” Lara Jean sighed and rolled her eyes before giving him a kiss on the cheek. He was too precious to be annoyed with.

As they were finishing their food, Lara Jean blurted out what she had been thinking about all night. “Do you think it’d be crazy to quit my job while I try to finish this book?”

Peter was taken a back and took a second to think. “No. I don’t. I think if you want to go all in on this, you should give it a go. Why not ask for a few month sabbatical? Meg loves you. I’m sure she will give you some time. You told me she used to write too. I think she’d understand.” He smiled giving her reassurance. “I make enough for us to survive on just my salary anyway. I want you to follow your dreams.”

She felt like she was about to melt. How did she get so lucky to have him back in her life. She leaned over the table to kiss him deeply. “I love you, Peter Kavinsky.”

“Not as much as I love you.” He smirked and took the last bite of the flatbread they ordered.

He had his large hand resting on her thigh while they talked waiting for desert. “You’re all set for our trip home next weekend right?” he asked taking a sip of his drink. He tried to settle his nerves. He was planning to pop the question when they were at a big dinner Dr. Covey had planned with both of their families. Dr. C had suggested it when Peter asked his permission to ask Lara Jean to marry him. He knew he didn’t need permission, Lara Jean was a modern woman, but he admired Dr. Covey to much that he wanted to get his blessing to join the family.

“Totally. I can’t wait actually. Trina and my dad said they were going to all the way to Richmond to get a cake that my dad said was the best thing he ever ate. Guess we’re just that special.” She smiled and tucked her hair behind her ears.

“Only the best for you Covey.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for all the love for this story.  
> I wrote this while quarantining because of COVID. This really kept my spirits up and renewed my love of writing.  
> Hope this is the first of many new things to come ❤️️

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing in what seems like forever.  
> I love reading fics of this couple as adults & thought it would be fun to explore one of my own.  
> Would love your feedback to see where this goes! Thanks yall!


End file.
